iReview: Joanne – Lady Gaga

Okay. Hi.

You know what I’ll just skip the ramblings to the end of this post, because 1) I’ll be boring off half of my potential readers and 2) I’m too lazy to even begin writing them tbh. Oh and 3) we have an emergency on our hands and it is that LADY FUCKING GAGA HAS JUST RELEASED HER FIRST POP ALBUM SINCE 2013, A DAY I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE WELL 2013. All the anticipation has built up to this point, and I can not be more ready. FUN FACT: last year in April, I opened my diary at a random page and marked it down, saying THIS is when I will hear LG5. That day was October 22nd. Ladies and gentlemen, I am a psychic. I honestly, HONESTLY still don’t believe this day has come.

HIT ME WITH ‘EM, GAGA.

In this post, I will be doing a track-by-track review/reaction to Lady Gaga’s newest studio album, Joanne, out October 21st. Its title references Gaga’s middle name, and her late aunt who passed away in 1974 because of lupus after she had been sexually assaulted. This is Gaga’s most stripped back, personal album yet, according to her.

So…

HEEEEERE WE GO! (yes yes I have heard A-YO already.)

iReview: Joanne – Lady Gaga

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1- Diamond Heart:

Let’s go omfg

Is this a piano?

YOUNG WILD AMERICAN ALREADY ICONIC

YYYYYAAAAAAAAASSSSSS GOGO’IN go back to those roots Gags

Asshole broke her in? Rape?..

THAT HOOK

IM SHOOK

YOUUUUUNG WIL AMERICAAAAAAAAAN I KNEW ITS ICONIC

Wait Diamond Heart isn’t about her engagement ring? Right…

Can we talk about her vocals? Where do you hear vocals like these on any female album these days. SH00K

YAAAASSSS BRIDGE

I always said I hate guitar+drums driven songs but this is FUCKING GOOD

Maybe because it’s Gaga and I’m biased but YES

Amazing way to start the album.

2- A-YO:

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa we go

Blow it ur face

Blow it in ur face

Blow it in ur blow it in ur face

This is so FUN. YES.

The beat sounds familiar but in the good way.

AYO AYO

WE SMOKIN EM ALL

A.k.a the Chainsmokers who had shit to say about her in the press. What’s good? She ended those rats. Anyway.

You can’t NOT dance to this song! My body is involuntarily shaking.

SLAYO SLAYOH

A

YO

AYO

This is a BOP.

3-Joanne:

Okay… I did not expect these ‘drumsies’.

Wait where is the piano? THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR

Why is this melody so… Uplifting? Her aunt just died.

Girl… Where do you think you’re goin’? (with this melody)

This sounds… Off. It’s a song about her aunt who died… It should feel sadder. It made people cry. Why am I not crying? I’M HERE TO CRY.

The chorus is really beautiful though, no question.

Alright, the more I listen to this song… I get it. The emotion is ‘implicit’. Her vocal delivery was done in one take according to her. I can feel her pain.

I need to give her a hug.

 

4- John Wayne:

BYE BYE HUG

HELLO JOHN WAYNE (btw notice how it sounds like ‘Joanne’ ‘John Wayne’ is this intentional?)

THAT SCREAMMM YASS MAMA

GO FASTER

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I DID NOT SEE THAT CHORUS COMING

OH NO OH NO

ITS HAPPENING

MY WEAVE IS BEING SNATCHED

EVERY FOLLICLE

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THE CHORUS AGAIN I STILL HAVENT RECOVERED FROM THE FIRST TIME

Hands down my favorite so far.

I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS BRIDGE

NO

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS FEELS LIKE A MOVIE CLIMAX

I want to scream JOHN WAYNE with her but my parents are sleeping so

Please hire this producer for the entirety of the next album

5- Dancin’ In Circles:

WHAT

WHAT IS THIS

WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO HIT ME WITH THIS FAME MONSTER THROWBACK??a!?!??qSJHA

This feels like a Sia song. I LOVE A SIA SONG.

The prechorus! Amazing.

YES THE HOOK AGAIN

LET’S FUNK DOWNTOWN

Am I the only one who feels like these songs are going way too fast? Like I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO PROCESS THE SLAYAGE

Gaga thank you for this So Happy I Could Die 2.0 yes thanks yes

Vanish as I touch myself? THAT CUTESY VOICE FAMEGA IT IS REALLY YOU

OOOOOOHHHHH THE FUCKING HIGH NOTES AT THE END

SSSSSSHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

This is such a dancey song. I LIVE.

6- Perfect Illusion:

AND HERE COME THE GUITAR RIFFS

AAAAEEIINWWHHHH

One month later and this song is still amazing. Of course you’d know that if I fucking UPDATED MY BLOG THEN but oh well.

IT WASN’T LAAAAAAAAAAAAHV

IT WASN’T LAAAAAAAAAAAAHV

IT WAS A PERFECT ILLUSION

Like some people actually don’t like this.

HOW.

BE ASHAMED.

And now the part with the background vocals that slay the entire universe

IN A MODERN ECSTASY

Her vocals are just UGH. I remember when I heard this the first time when it was released and how amazed I was.

GAGA

IS

BACK.

AND HERE COMES THE KEYCHANGE OF THE CENTURYYYYYYYYYY

And my favorite part: *dumdumdumdumdum* IILLLUUSIOOOOOONNNN

Still slays. Ugh.

7-Million Reasons:

Another one I have already heard a lot, and memorized.

Can we just appreciate this stripped back Gaga? We all asked for it. She might not be here for long so enjoy ha while she lasts.

The emotion in her voice is breathtaking. And that chorus hits you like one of her 5 vintage cars.

The best thing about this song for me is how I can sing the background vocals with her. I love background vocals. I feel special when I sing them. No I cannot explain this.

STAAAAAAAAYAHAAAAAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAHAAAAY

Breaks my heart to her her crying out like this. I’LL MEND UR BROKEN HEART MOM

Her voice…

Her fucking voice.

8- Sinners’ Prayer:

Lol sounds like Dangerous Woman is about to start

BUT THIS AINT NO DANGEROUS WOMAN

IT’S A DANGEROUSLY SLAYFUL BASSLINE

YES. I LIVE.

The vibe of this song is so captivating.

THE CHORUS. Can we just appreciate the chorus? WOW. It takes you on a ride in a few seconds. The melody changes from cheerful to somber back to hopeful then again to dark IN A MATTER OF SECONDS.

WOW

I am so impressed with this. And some people dismissed it as a ‘country song’.

Man, this album may just make me listen to country.

‘I can carry you but not your ghosts’. Tumblr here we come

YESSSS GO UP THAT OCTAVE

Goodasgoodasgoodasgoodasgoooooooooooooooooooooooooooold

Beautiful song.

And this BASSLINE AGAIN. YES.

9- Come To Mama:

Okay the title already has me shook.

YES BORN THIS WAY TEAS LYRICSWISE

Wait what jungle? Gags wyd

Gogogogggoround

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

COME TO MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

YES THE BACKGROUND VOCALS IN THE CHORUS

Comeontomammma

Commonmmaammmaaaa

Wow. WOW. The lyrics though!

She’s talking about a scientist vs. a believer… The scientist = uses prism in physics. The believer = he believes in Noah’s arc (not really though but okay). But both result in… Rainbows! YES GAGAAAAAAAAA

THIS SONG IS SO MARIAH CAREY

HOLIDAYSY

AND I LOVE IT

Wait 3 verses?

THE ONLY PRISONS THAT EXIST ARE ONES WE PUT EACH OTHER IN

TAKE THAT TUMBLR. QUOTE THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HER VOCALS

LOOK WHAT THAT RAINBOW DID

The ending. This IS Mariah Carey ugh YES

IM COMING MAMA

10- Hey Girl (featuring Florence Welsh):

3 SECONDS IN AND IM MOVING LIKE A CHARMED SNAKE

THIS BEAT. THIS BEAAAAAAAT

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

FLORENCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

HER VOCALS ARE AMAZING AS ALWAYS

FIT SO BEAUTIFULLY WITH THIS SONG I CANT IM SHOOK SO SHOOK YESSS SHOOK

Their voices go so well together!

AND THIS FUCKING MELODY IT PUTS ME IN A TRANCE WOW JUST WOW I CANT STOP SWAYING

Personal thank you to Florence who probably is responsible for the amazing harps in this.

Does anyone notice the amazing strange synths in the background?!

Yep in the second chorus they are more than noticeable.

ARE THEY SINGING TOGETHER?!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

OH MY GOD FLORENCE’S BACKGROUND VOCALS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD SHE SOUNDS OTHERWORDLY

This fucking song. The melody. The production. The message. The two FUCKING BADASSES SINGING IT.

THE BACKGROUND FORENCE OH’S ONCE AGAIN AHHHH

Iconic.

11- Angel Down:

And here come the emotions. This is about Trayvon Martin.

Yep. The intro alone is amazing.

WOW HER VOICE. IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE’S WHISPERING MY EAR.

I need a moment. I’m in awe.

Okay. Who produced this? I love you.

The lyrics are so touching. With that production, man I feel like going on a midnight walk and crying.

The chorus is unexpected. The sounds are angelic. This is not your regular ballad. This is much more.

GAGA GOES LANA. I’M SO HERE FOR IT. OOOHOOOHOOOO

OHHH ‘CHAOS’! CHAOS ANGEL! THESE WERE NOT RUMORS! OMG

Wow. What just happened?

The outro… it’s like a broken music box… I love this so fucking much.

WHOW THERE IT JUST ENDED SO ABRUPTLY.

Is it like a metaphor to sudden death?

Oh Joanne…

12- Grigio Girls:

This is the song about her best friend Sonja having cancer… here it goes.

Wait she’s that much older? 12 years? She looks much younger…

Okay… I kind of expected a bigger chorus…

The production sounds like it’s struggling to pick up. A shame. The lyrics are beautiful.

Watch your blues turn gold…

Make it all make sense…

Yep here are the feels.

AWWWWWWW SHE IS SO CUTE IN THAT BRIDGE

YAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS THE SQUAD IS HEREEEEEEEEEE

Why do they sound like they have swallowed helium?

Lol of course Gaga had to outsing them all.

SQUAD GOALZZZZZZZ

Okay there’s a laugh at the end that is just creepy as fuck.

13- Just Another Day:

Yes this is the one I heard her sing live on the radio!

BACK TO HER RED AND BLUE ROOTS AND I’M SO SURPRISED I LOVE IT SO MUCH! YES!

This song is just so cute oh my god!

And after all… it’s just another day!

Okay tho but is that like a sax, a guitar, a synth, a dying cockroach…

YESSSSSSS BRIAN’S TRUMPETS SOUND SO GREAT

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH YAS GAGA VOCALS MAMA

I can just imagine her smiling and singing this in her studio. She’s happy. I’m happy.

14- Angel Down (Work Tape):

Oh, a more stripped down piano/guitar version. I like that! I wish there was one for Joanne.

I confess I like the original better, the production really adds to it.

BUT.

VO

FUCKING

CALS.

SHE SOUNDS LITERALLY LIKE THE MOTHER OF ANGELS CRYING OUT FOR HER ANGELS.

When did she record this? She sounds different than how she did the rest of the album… so RAW. So PASSIONATE.

THOSE SCREAMS. I’d rather save an angel down.

And… it’s over.

_

Wow.

This was what I call a fucking EXPEDITION.

The opening track couldn’t have set the tone better.

The title track felt anticlimactic at first, but it gets catchier, deeper and more meaningful with each listen.

Then it’s a string off amazing fun bops to dance to before Gaga hits us with the more ‘serious’ stuff.

The world is full of deceptions, things you never knew would turn out to just be illusions.

The world is full of people who will drive you insane, but who you can’t get away from.

The world is full of hatred and ignorance, humans who are destroying each other and themselves over their clash of ideas.

The world is full of women who are willing to step on each other to reach their wants, in a world still ruled by men, instead of helping each other up.

The world is full of innocent people who are dying every single day because of political agendas and inequality.

And we all just stand around.

This album was something I’ve been waiting to hear for eternity. And I’m finally blessed to do so. I’d never have expected something so powerful and deep from Gaga. She outdid herself, she surprised me and many, many others. It’s truly one of the highlights of her career. She has worked so hard to get here, and seeing her finally make the music SHE wants to make, is more than what I could ever ask for.

I’m in love with this music. Thank you, Gaga. Keep doing what you do.

Joanne is extremely proud of you.

Score: 9.5/10

_________________________________________________________________

Okay, so time for the promised ramblings. I have been beating myself up for not updating my blog for the past few months. The longer it went, the more urgent a ‘comeback’ felt, and the more hard it seemed to be to make. I couldn’t just turn up out of the blue uninvited and I couldn’t stay away like I never said goodbye (yes I know these are not the right lyrics but it had to fit the situation I’m talking about okay?). It had to be something BIG. HUGE. AND LET’S BE HONEST. IT DOESN’T GET HUGER THAN THIS.

I’m truly feeling bad about abandoning this blog with no notice like that. I want to write a second post explaining everything but I just *know* I’ll slack off and not do it. So I’ll try to put it all in here. After I quit my summer job, I spent one AMAZING month, and I was preparing for Blogwarts. Then I got caught up in it, and school started, my FINAL YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL BEFORE COLLEGE ASDFGHJKL SO YEAH I’m overswamped with work, and that’s apart from extracurricular things like piano lessons and choir practice. Random thought, I really need to start working out tbh, I can’t keep feeling depressed every time I see a naked torso. So yeah.

I WANT TO BE BACK HERE SO BAD I MISS YOU ALL SO FUCKING MUCH. But I’m even slacking off my school work, what about this blog lololololol

Maybe I’ll start slacking off my school work with this blog? I HOPE SO! At least that’d be productive.

Okay, Goodnight! I have to listen to Mariah Carey’s earlier stuff, man where have I been she slayz. BuhByE

Sunshine Blogger Award!

Hello, peoplez of the blogz! (what)
Today I’m gonna do an award that I found burried in my drafts. I don’t even remember who nominated me #MESS
I think it was ateenagediaryonline, who apparently has curiously disappeared off the face of the interwebs. I hope she’s alright.
Let’s do this!

The rules are:

Thank the person who nominated you, simple 🙂
Answer the questions from your nominators
Nominate 11 other bloggers and give them 11 new questions to answer

My questions are:

Have you been watching the rugby world cup?
Rugby is a SPORT. Does that answer your question?

Who are you supporting?
I’m supporting myselt #hashtagblessed

What is your favorite thing about autumn?
The weather.

What is your favorite food?
I hate this question and will never be able to answer it because I’m against food discrimination. All foods are created equal. (Except for beans. Fuck you, beans.)

Have you heard 5 Seconds Of Summer’s new album?
Certainly not.

Mustard or ketchup or both?
Ketchup; mustard is too weird for my taste.

Pizza or burgers?
AGAIN NO FOOD DISCRIMINATION. GEEEEZZZUS

Apple or Windows?
I SAID NO FOO- oh okay. Well I hate Apple and Windows has stuck by me through thick and thin so yeah.
Did you know you can change your colour on your blogs writting?
Huh what how

New Zealand or South Africa?
New Zealand pls.

Are you dressing up for Halloween?
Oh my freaking god did I get nominated for this before last October >_< what a flop. No, I didn’t dress up.

What are you going to get your best friend for christmas?
It’s way too early to decide henny.

That’s it!

Well
I thought that was it but apparently Keira had nominated me too xD (back when she was still known as Rogan) let’s see her questions:

What book would you recommend to a seven year old with a high reading ability?
Matilda, which talks about another kid with high reading abilities (and is such a lovely book)

Hairbrush or comb?
Umm… I can’t remember which is which. Either way I choose the fuzzy wuzzy one that is not like a plastic bar with teeth bc it’s useless

Would you rather be the lawyer for someone who murdered someone or who participated in child trafficking?
What the
Well
I’d be a lawyer I guess because a) there are plenty of those situations and b) I get da monneeh

On a lighter note, what is your favourite season?
HAHAHAHAHA that was funny for some reason xD well, I guess Winter (is Coming)

Duvet or blanket?
What the hell is a Duvet?
I’ll choose it anyway because it sounds super soft.

Painting of sketching?
Painting because I like mixing colors n stuff n making a big mess plus I suck at sketching (ladies and gentlemen, a future architect)

Be able to write a poem or be able to write a book?
I can write a poem. I wanna write a book. I WISH.

Would you rather have the ability to read and comprehend any classic you want, easily, or the ability to stop time whilst reading a classic (NOTE: THIS POWER ONLY APPLIES TO THE READING OF CLASSICS)?
Hmmmmph that is HARD. I think I’ll stick to understanding them because that’d be really cool and also I’d be terrified to fiddle with the fabric of time like that just to read classics.

Non-fiction or Short Story collection?
Non-fiction, but certain kinds.

Black or white?
STOP BEING RACISTS

What Hogwarts house would you be in according to your own opinion of yourself?
Ravenclause, duh :hor:
I mean Ravenclaw
God GGD has ruined me.

Aaaaand that is it! Hopefully I’ll get to write a post every day during break like today.

Oh I have to come up with questions still.

Here:
1. What is your favorite Lady Gaga song ever? (Feel free to buy her entire discography and listen twice to make sure you made the right choice.)
2. Would you rather work at a restaurant or a hotel?
3. Omfg electricity just ran out in the entire hotel and we can’t get it to turn back on and lights are flashing everywhere oh god.
4. Whoops that was not a question
5. That one neither
6. I have to stop
7. There, I just spared you from thinking up answers to five questions.
8. Six. You’re welcome.
9. Trump or Hillary?
10. Describe the first time you fell in love in one sentence.
11. Do you like pickles?

I nominate:
Every single person who reads this. You are allllll sunshines! (Plus I can’t tag anyone rn so)
I’m serious tho yall deserve this award so much. Take it. Do it. Post it. This sounds like a commercial.

Goodbaiiii break’s ovah

April Book Haul!

Hello 😀

In this post I’m going to be showcasing all the books I got this month.

Well who am I kidding I got all of these at the Bookyard (second hand book market with huge discounts) in March but I just remembered that I STILL haven’t showed them to you so um hehe let’s like pretend I just got these shall we?

First up! A gem I certainly did not expext to find:

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Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - Arabic Edition

You recognize the cover, but you have no clue what in the world is scribbled all over it? That’s right, this is Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – in Arabic! My friend had found it somewhere and I couldn’t let it go so I bought it. Obviously I wasn’t going to read this – arabic bores me to death. But I like to collect as much Harry Potter stuff as I can get my hands on.
Plus, it is HILARIOUS. Unintentionally, that is. All the name translations are ridiculous, they’re all written in brackets so there’s about 20 brackets a page, and the dialogue sounds just si awkward! This is certainly not the same with the French translation, which, in certain aspects, I find to be even better than the original.

Next we have this godly artifact that has been presented to me by holy circumstances:

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Poker Face: the Rise and Rise of Lady Gaga

SLAY
I read that book like two summers ago, but on ebook. I never imagined I’d actually ever find a copy, much less one that affordable! I grabbed it, hid the cover, pretended it was for a ‘girl friend’ of mine and bought it. It remained wrapped in a paper bag until I came home where I unwrapped it, gaped at the iconic pictures and flawless texture of the book (so bendable and easy to read!) and promised myself I’d reread it some day when I’m feeling nostalgic.

We now have this beautiful book:

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The Cuckoo's Calling

I bought it just because of its beauty. It’s so lush! I already read it on ebook as well but since it was discounted and I already had the second book and was planning on buying the third, I couldn’t not get it. It’s annoying that it’s a different size than the second but in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?

This is the next book I got:

image

I feel like I’m constantly hearing about it and stumbling across it but I never knew what it was all about. I saw it, and was like oh well let’s see.
Turns out it’s just a workbook version thingy, not the actual book. I was pissed about the waste of money that could have been spent on another actual book but I might as well just try to profit from it. Some day…

Onto this complete slayage of a book:

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Jane Slayre

I didn’t even read the blurb. I didn’t read anything. I read the title on the spine, burst out laughing and immediately bought it.
That cover tho. I am literally slayed.
I really, really hope the sarcasm and irony extend into the book itself because I’d live for that.

Next we have this batch of books:

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Left to right, top to bottom: The Coincidence of Coconut Cake; I Know You Got Soul; The Lost Boy; Always The Sun

I traded them for a few old books of mine. They’re the only ones that looked interesting enough. The coconut cupcake cuisine thingy one looks fresh and polished so I’m curious about that. The two white ones, eh. I don’t think I’ll be getting to them anytime soon but ya know in case of reading drought… Finally I got the yellow one because a) it fulfills a category from my reading challenge and b) my friend said that guy is funny so I was glad to snatch it away from him.

Moving on to this lucky find:

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The Lord of the Flies

I’ve been meaning to read this for a looong time and actually was planning in ordering it (you know, once I learned how) before finding it so yay! It seems to be such a classic so I’m curious to find out what it holds. Though an evil Gawker article randomly spoiled a character death for me, for absolutely no fucking reason, so thanks a lot for that, Gawker.

Last book I’m gonna be talking about is this cute first british edition of Chamber of Secrets:

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

I actually noticed it on the Bookyard’s facebook page, it was barely visibile in some random picture and I was like CAN I HAVE IT PLEASE and the lady was like sure! So I traded it for some book of mine and here it is 😀 I love how simple and comfy it looks. NO. NO time for a fifth reread. YOU HAVE MANY MORE BOOKS TO ATTEND TO, ANTHONY. Who am I kidding tho, I probably will go through a marathon while waiting for Cursed Child to be released.

So I said this was the final book…
But I never said anything about a series!

image
The Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy

Yep. I did. I did just buy that. Am I ashamed? Very. Do I regret it? Not in the slightest.
I’ve been telling myself that I’ll never ever read this series ever since I heard about them. I was scoffing at anyone who did. BUT HERE I AM! I found myself craving a fun, unserious read, and what better way than BDSM?
I promise I’m not a perverted teenager. Really. But everyone’s been reading excerpts on youtube and it’s honestly so hilarious so when I found the lot for 12$, I just grabbed them and ran.
I honestly can’t wait to get started on those
Right now I’m reading Scorch Trials, the second book of the Maze Runner series, and I’m enjoying them a lot so far. The first book was awesome. But it’s all too tiresome and traumatizing, so I need a calm read as soon as I finish the series.

Aaaand that was it for my book haul! I always have so much fun doing these. If you enjoyed this, you can expect another one in a month, after the May Bookyard! But I’m such a procrastinator that I’ll probably be here by Christmas.

Bye 😀

It’s time for me to say goodbye to this blog…

Hey guys.

So as you know, my posts have been getting less and less frequent. I haven’t posted anything in over a week, I missed Easter, Gaga’s birthday, everything I should have posted about. I haven’t been doing awards, haven’t reviewed anything, haven’t been reading your blogs, commenting on your posts… It’s a huge mess. kj1

So I guess this is it. As hard as it is for me, I’m going to have to quit blogging.

I want to say goodbye to this blog. Goodbye to you all. Thank you for reading my posts, making me feel loved. This has been a wonderful journey…

AND ALSO A HUGE PRANK

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS WEEEEEEEEEE

(by the way, you are going to be seeing a LOT more gifs on here. GagaDaily has rubbed off on me quite well by now)

Anyway, I was only joking about the quitting part. I don’t see myself leaving here any time soon.

But everything else was spot on and is constantly nagging me at the back of my mind.

I’ve been extremely lazy on these holidays and haven’t posted once.

I started my Easter post but forgot about it and now I’m just ashamed to post it a week later. The Bookyard post has been sitting in my drafts for 3 weeks already, and I haven’t touched it yet. I haven’t done an award this year yet even though I said I’d post them all between January and February (YEAH RIGHT), I haven’t been reading any blogs and barely talking to my friends here…

I also am yapping about myself here while yall be reading me like

so imma just shut it.

Anyway, I PROMISE I’ll get back soon. I will. My conscience will kill me if I don’t so you besta believe it.

Hope you had a great day with minimal troll casualties (you know I haven’t with everyone making up a new rumor about possible new Gaga music every five seconds). Goodnight!

 

GAGA JUST SLAYED YOU HONEY

Yeah, Leo. I’m talking to you.

YES YOU. ROMEO. JACK. REVENANT-GUY.

b64137d0b09c742f99e7f166c388ca5c

Can you explain…

acce2d126667041ded362d82492ead8646ef6ff5

THIS?!

YOU have the HONOUR of having LADY GAGA’s arms basically BRUSH YOUR ARTICLE OF CLOTHING, and… YOU DO THIS?!

tumblr_inline_o0s02hPOLT1tvm1vp_1280

Why is he even famous.

Is someone pissed off? He is bound to be! Gagz won on her first ever acting nomination. YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR OSCARS SINCE BEFORE I WAS BORN.

OH, how it would be absofuckinglutely thrilling if she actually wins an Oscar before him. And that’s not even far-fetched, she actually is nominated for the Best Soundtrack Award thingy and you’ll be sitting there, empty-armed, looking at her casually destroying your life.

DON’T MESS WITH THE COUNTESS, FUCKER.

gaga-master675

So let’s get serious real quick.

I know Leo was basically drunk then, and that he apologized, and frankly I have no idea why the media made this such a big deal. All I did when I watched him was burst out laughing. His reaction was priceless, BUT it has been way too disfigured and misinterpreted.He obviously wasn’t laughing at her when she just bumped into him, I mean LOOK at his face. He clearly looks like he has had way too many drinks. It was just funny, and even when they asked him about the incident after the show he had no idea what happened.

The other issue here is Gaga’s win. People obviously didn’t all agree and that’s why they took Leo’s reaction as an example. They are outraged that they gave the award to a first-time actress, and accused her of only winning because of her fame, and to make headlines (and it sure did).

In all honesty, I DO think that Gaga’s win wasn’t purely based on talent. But does it mean she doesn’t DESERVE to win?

We have to give her credit: the only reason I was hooked on American Horror Story is honestly because of her. Everyone kind of knew her as The Countess even before she was acting. She was this freaky, glamorous, dark woman who seemed to have a heart as cold as her glassy and haughty looks. Back when she used to dress like this was when she thrived in her career, and I can see how this was reflected on her performance. I loved watching her, I loved just looking at the scenes she was in. You could really FEEL how excited she was to be in a project like that, and it kept me and thousands of others watching, even though we never really liked horror in the first place.

I don’t know any of the other nominees, so I can’t really compare, but what I do know is that they each gave wonderful performances as well to be nominated. And maybe their performances were better, but if there is one actress who really shone this year, who proved herself, who took a role and made it her own, who made people from all over the world tune in, whose win would mean that anyone can do anything if they have the heart, the passion and the creativity, it’s Lady Gaga.

3 Day Quote Challenge! Day 2

This is Day 2 from the 3 Day Quote Challenge! I almost forgot. I’m so over the moon about something, I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow 🙂

I was nominated by Shivani. for this challenge. Thank you so much! I appreciate it a lot.

The rules of the challenge are real simple;
1)Thank the person who nominated you.
2)Post a quote for three consecutive days.
3)Nominate three new bloggers each day.

I’m gonna do something new today and nominate people I only just e-met. Break the ice 🙂

mypersonalteenlife

Wide Eyed

bookgeeking

Hope you participate!

Today’s quotes come to us from my queen, Gaga:

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Slay me with ur shade.
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And ur wits.

I love these two quotes a lot, especially the second one. Way to go gurl!

I just love this woman.

See you tomorrow! 🙂

Happy Halloween! NOT.

We don’t celebrate Halloween.

Why? Because it’s ‘satanic’.

Are you all like Miranda or something?!

If I was to ban everything that’s considered satanic from my life, I’d be bored to death.

In case you’re wondering NO, I’M NOT SATANIC and I could never be.
I’m referring to the people who kill animals and drink blood and burn crosses and stuff like that.

But that doesn’t mean that everything out-of-the-ordinary is inflicted upon us by some devil! Come on people.

Just because you’re scared of anything weird, doesn’t mean you should make it into something sordid.
Like Harry Potter. What’s satanic in that? Magic?! It’s not hurting anyone! It’s just your stuck up and limited beliefs. Just like stop.

Lady Gaga is very unconventional. I get it. I don’t know, however, how that makes her a devil minion.

They tell us ‘Halloween glorifies violence, abnormality, witchcraft’ and all that. I swear guys, I just wanna dress different once in a year. Stop making all this fuss. It’s really not going to turn me into Satan’s slave.

There is one holiday similar to Halloween we cebrate which is St. Barbara’s Day on the 4th of December, where basically kids dress up and go with their parents to a few houses and eat candy and sweets. It’s just very basic and childish, and there’s nothing special to it.

Halloween isn’t banned. Not at all. It isn’t that serious. But we just don’t celebrate it, and anyone who does is considered a weirdo and a hippy and lost in his ways and whatever.

I just would like to experience it, that’s all. But by the time (and if) I leave the country, I’d probably be way too old to trick or treat.

iReview: American Horror Story: Hotel – Season 5 – Episode 1

THE WAIT IS FINALLY OVERRR OMGYAS

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For those of you who have read certain posts of mine, you’d have noticed by now that I’m a huge fan of Lady Gaga. She’s so freakin fab! I promised once that I’d write a post about how we crossed paths, but I don’t think now’s the appropriate time for other multi-part life stories of mine. 

Last February, it was announced, in true Gaga fashion, that she would be starring in the upcoming first season of American Horror Story entitled HOTEL. The fandom, and the interwebz as a whole, went wild.

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I myself wasn’t a huge horror fan and had never watched any AHS episode, but the prospect of watching Gaga grow into an actress on TV was so exciting. Plus, has there even been a better match than Gaga and Horror? Most of her music videos would fit seemlessly in any horror flick. She has a very dark and wicked side and it’s one of the things I love best about her.

As the months went by, we sat there waiting for updates. Lately, these weren’t hard to come by. In fact, every other day there seemed to be new teasers and spoilers appearing. It was soon known that Gaga would be playing Elizabeth, the owner of Hotel Cortez. Plus, she’s apparently a blood-sucker. Cool. 

Well, it sounded cool at first. But when I came to know that they actually are filming a foursome scene involving her and her lover slaughtering their partners and feasting on their blood, my excitement turned into anxiousness.

I wasn’t really a big fan of blood and gore. There’s a reason why I refuse to become a doctor in the future, or why I rarely watch any horror films. Will I be able to cope with these scenes? Or will I just stop watching after the first episode or two despite Gaga being in it?

Still, all of that didn’t stop be from being eager to watch that first episode.

On the 7th of October, it finally premiered. But I was sleeping when it aired. So I waited until the next day after school to watch. I gathered my laptop, earphones and an assortment of horribly unhealthy snacks and clicked that mothaeffin play button.

It all starts out with two blonde tourists stepping out of a cab to check into the Hotel Cortez. From the moment I laid eyes on them, I knew, I just knew that they were gonna die in a matter of hours. The limited experience that I earned from the few horror flicks I’ve watched had taught me enough.

So they step into the hotel, and the lobby is completely empty. It’s dark, but has an air of grandeur and class to it.

They went up to the reception desk to check in. There was no one there. They rang the bell, apparently more times than they should have, according to the receptionist who goes by Iris (played by Kathy Bates). 

She leads them to their room, while informing them that the hotel has no cell service or wifi. If it were me, I’d have been out of there in a matter of seconds.

They see little creepy pale kids standing in the hallways, but that doesn’t seem to bother them too much.

Once they’re in their room, they smell a rotting ‘animal’, which turns out to be a murderous mutant-human-goblin-creature-thingy that has been living in their mattress. 

So what do they do? They just move into another room, like any sane person would do in such a situation. It’s Room 64. Remember that room.

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So everything seems to be going alright. That’s until one of the girls wakes up to find the little creepy kids casually eating her friend in the bathroom. No biggie.

I’m watching. While I’m interested in the story, I also start to wonder where Gaga is. Isn’t she supposed to be important? Am I watching the wrong show?

At long last, the Countess (Gaga) is introduced in the most fabulous of ways. She’s shown getting ready for something, while snorting up an amount of meth that would make even Jesse Pinkman gape. (Please tell me someone gets that reference.)

So she’s finally ready, and so is her partner, Donovan (Matt Bomer). They have such a strong sex appeal together. Amazing match.

So these two seem to be heading out for an open-air movie night. There, they meet (well, technically, make creepy eye contact with) a couple, and they start smirking at each other. Finally, Gaga starts to pretend she’s licking an invisible vagina, and the other couple takes it as cue to go with Gaga and Donovan, two complete strangers who look somewhat medieval. They didn’t even know where they were taking them. They just seemed to enjoy vagina-licking imitations.

Gagz takes them to the Hotel, naturally. By the way, she’s the owner.

The three of them who aren’t Gaga are seen laying naked on a kind sized bed. Then, Gaga appears.

Appears is a big understatement: Gaga fucking makes an ENTRANCE up in this bitch. She’s wearing nothing but her wavy blonde locks on her shoulders, a beautiful black see-through Alexandre McQueen veil all over her, a huge diamond necklace, tiny black panties, and diamond pasties for modesty.

Naturally, the veil comes off. She climbs into the bed, and then the four of them start doing what any four people in a bed would do. Hint: it’s not talking about the weather.

Then, midway through, Gaga and Matt exchange meaningful glances and then suddenly slash the poor other couple’s throats. The foursome soon turns into a massive blood fest. Even though I already knew that was coming from the teasers, it was still shocking to watch.

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Meanwhile, our tourists are being held captive by Iris in some sort of medieval torturing devices. I don’t know if I missed something, but somehow the girl who was being eaten by the children looked like she had never been eaten by anything or anyone. (I know what you’re thinking pervs. Shame on you. And yes I do think she has been.)

Out of nowhere, a crazy chic called Sally appears (Sarah Paulson) and demands to feed the girls. For some reason Iris gets all mad and bitchy and says ‘fine feed them if ur so insistant u bitch’ and leaves. Sally lets one of the girls escape, again for no apparent reason (now I get why this show has confused so many).

Fortunately, the Countess happened to be standing in the doorway and again casually slashed the girl’s throat as she tried to run (told you she’d be dying). 

All of this is sort of an introductory plot, I guess… Because the main plot seems to be about a detective who has been trying to catch a maniac killer who takes the 10 Commandments very, very seriously. Take adultery. He had found a non-married couple having sex, so what does he do? Plants an arrow through the woman’s torso, killing her, takes out the eyeballs and the tongue of the man who is 1) still alive and 2) still ‘inside’ the woman. Oh, and he also nails their hands to the wall.

I guess he didn’t get the memo that killing is the most awful sin of them all. 

Anyway, this detective starts receiving calls from the killer, and all the signs point to Hotel Cortez. So he decides to move there to continue his investigation. Oh, and which room does he take? 

Room 64.

Also, that detective happens to have a missing son called Holden, who we discover has been ‘adopted’ by the Countess. He lives with his siblings in a secret kid room at the hotel filled with video games and candy. One more reason for me to wish Gaga would adopt me some day.

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There are many other disturbing things that take place throughout the episode, like a little girl walking into a room to find two men hanging from the cealing with their guts wrenched out of their bodies, or a Hotel maid casually cleaning blood off sheets like she does this every day (Blood Still Stains When The Sheets Are Washed, anyone?) and most importantly a guy being raped by a featureless zombie monster with a drill-bit penis.

Oh, and there’s this thing where 20-something years ago Sally kills Donovan, and Iris kills Sally because Donovan was her son, but they’re still alive somehow and haven’t aged. My guess is that they’re some sort of solid ghosts. There’s also a theory out there that no one can die in the Hotel – they just turn immortal.

Yup. Mindfuck.

But the complication only makes it more compelling for me. I love a good mystery.

While there has been much I wasn’t fond of in these scenes, and even some that made me look away, it was so captivating. I’m guessing they chose to tell their story with horror elements because it keeps the viewer interested. It sure worked.

Gaga was absolutely amazing in her role, and by the looks of it, her next performances will be even more majestic.

I can’t wait for this Thursday afternoon to watch the second episode! And the next. And the next next.

I recommend this show to all Gaga fans, all horror fans and AHS fans. Also,  for those who like dark themes and have no problem with graphic violence.

What is your opinion of this first episode of AHS: Hotel? Are you going to be renewing your residency at Hotel Cortez, or will you check out at the nearest opportunity?

However, remember… “You can check-out any time you like, but you can never leave!

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Alright, now it’s time to ruin your childhood:

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How I made it to Choir! (Part 2)

Here is the last part of my story about how I made it to choir. It is long, but I wanted to tell it with all the details. Here’s where we left off:

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I guess my panic was pretty obvious because Sister M said calmly ‘don’t worry, it’s alright, I just wanted to know why you were here.’
‘I just wanted to try out… For the experience… And my friend told me…’ I muttered. Mini was gonna pay for this.

She asked me what chant I had prepared, and for some reason I just stood there, frozen, apparently trying to think of something to sing other than the hymn I had been preparing for days. Why I did that is still I mystery but it sure as hell made me look like I just kind of wandered here by mistake and said ‘oh hey, I know what would be fun, I’ll try out for choir!’

At last, I regained reason and told her what I would be singing. She was going to accompany me with the piano, and she would stop playing at some point to see if I could continue singing with no music.

I was taken aback. I did not know that I would be singing over a piano, and I had never done it before. What if I went horribly off tune? Oh god oh god oh god.

Sister M started playing. I took a deep breath. Then I started singing.

Something strange happened then. It was as though a switch went off inside me. I didn’t know how or why, but suddenly, singing felt like the most natural thing in the world! I couldn’t believe how much better I sounded with the piano. It just seemed to flow out if me effortlessly. Not that I became some sort of Frank Sinatra, but I just thought ‘this is right.’ I started smiling. I almost caught myself laughing at many occasions and quickly stopped myself so that I don’t ruin the song.

I was then asked to do another song. I had not prepared for that. I didn’t even know all the words! I tried my best, and ended up just repeating the chorus, but that’s fine.

Next, I had to sing the notes that Sister M played on the piano. That was to see if I could get the notes right. Sure enough, I did pretty well.

Lastly, it was time for the vocal exercice, in which I have to sing ‘Mééééaaaaiiiiii’ on different – what, keys? I don’t know what these are called. But I know that it kicks up a note every time, and I have to sing it over and over until I can’t reach.

I found it quite fun, and I also had to stop myself laughing there, because it was kinda ridiculous, me standing there with my mouth wide open belting out this sound I only ever heard on Star Academy.

I didn’t reach too high. I guess I looked worried, because then the nun called in a boy who seemed to have been in choir for a long time. She did the same exercice with him, and he could reach the high notes I couldn’t. Was she just showing me that I’m not good enough? I wasn’t very pleased.

But then, she started lowering the notes, and he reached a point where he couldn’t go on. That’s when she asked me to pick up, and I did. It wasn’t hard at all. I kept going down until my voice was just a rumble. So it’s not about singing the highest you can after all.

I finished. She looked at me, and held out her hand.
‘Congratulations! You’re a Bass.‘ She said, smiling.
I took her hand disbelievingly. Is that it? I’m in?!
‘What’s a bass?’ I asked.
‘It’s your vocal type, it means you can sing the lower notes. They’re few here, so it’s great to have an addition.’

So that was it. I’m officially in. I felt so light, so relieved – I made it! How?! It was unreal. All my worries were pointless. Wow!!!

I immediately texted everyone. Told them I wasn’t accepted. Just to mess with them. Especially Mini.

I then started talking with Sister M and the other boy about myself. My grades, where I’m from, my hobbies… I said that I loved listening to music, and playing the piano, but only by ear. So she asked me if I could play and sing something. The first song that popped into my head was Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’. I played the chorus on the piano, rather nervously, because I had never done it in front of anyone before. For the song, I started to sing ‘Wide Awake’ by Katy Perry because I had sung it the day before on karaoke and felt good about it, but I didn’t feel good at all after a few notes so I changed my mind midway and sang ‘Dollhouse’ by Melanie Martinez instead. It was okayish. She noticed that I have a small lisp with the letter S, which I’ve had since I was little, and told me that I should have seen a doctor for it. I don’t think my parents really cared about that.

‘So when do I start?’ I asked.
‘Today. The lesson starts at 4’ she replied.
It was 3:30 now. I’ll wait. I was very excited.

When Mini came, I was standing alone outside, with a very fake frown. I assumed he had gotten my message, because he had an apologetic tone when he asked ‘what happened?’ Aww. After all, he did recommend me. I should be thanking him. Instead, I smiled and said ‘Bass.
‘Wait – really?! That’s great, I’m bass too! We’re only like 4 and there are so many tenors (I assumed tenors were the high-singers like that other boy). Sister M told me she’d kill me if I had brought in a new one.’

That was nice to hear. Maybe I wasn’t going to be a useless adition after all.

Moments later other chorists started arriving, and I could tell Mini was right because they seemed happy to know that there was a new bass. When everyone was there at last, we all sat on chairs, each group (Bass, Tenor, Alto [lower-voiced girls] and Soprano [the opposite]) alone.

Sister M started the session by welcoming me into the choir, and I received polite applause from everyone. I didn’t notice this, but I was actually the only one who tried out.

We then went into respiration and relaxation exercices. These were fun.

Not as fun as the vocal exercices, though. These were amazing. Hearing everyone sing at once, it was close to magical. I couldn’t believe I was a part of that.

I had some trouble at first adjusting to the right keys, but I quickly recovered.

Then, it was time to learn a new song. She gave us the music sheets, and each group was off to learn it alone, because as I came to know we don’t all sing the same tunes.

As it was my first time, I had some problems singing the right notes at certain places. But they were all very patient and encouraging with me, not once did they seem annoyed or amused, and they told me that this was a hard song compared to the usual (though I feel like they were just trying to raise my spirits).

But it did pay off, and I finally reached those tricky notes. I felt very pleased with myself.

Usually, after learning a song, we were supposed to sing it all together (the four groups), but that day was an exception because they were having elections for choir president and assistants. The president and his crew from last year had prepared a nice little ceremony involving funny sketches and a buffet, and I thought their spirit was awesome. I was happy to be part of such a community.

I told Mini about that, and he said ‘I know. This is the only place at school that I really like.’

I then understood why he wanted us here. And I’m very, very glad I joined.

Me and Music! A.k.a how the heck am I in choir now?! (How I made it to Choir – prologue)

So I’m in the school choir now.

If you had told me this exact thing about a few weeks ago, I’d have laughed. Like really hard.

Even last week, when I came across the recruiting posters in the hallways, I just gave them a long glance, sighed, and walked away.

I’ve always put people who can sing on a higher pedestal than me, nevermind all of my/their other capabilities. It’s like a raw talent, it can’t be bought or made (autotune excluded), you either have it or you don’t.

I love singing a lot, and music in general. I’m literally humming songs under my breath most of my waking hours. If no one’s around, I belt out whatever comes to mind.

There’s the thing: I sound like shit.

I really never considered my voice a good one. This theory has been further reenforced by my lovely sisters who laughed or shot me looks full of fake horror every time I tried to sing a few notes. Usually, when that happens, I try screwing up even more obviously, so that it seems I’ve been sounding bad on purpose.

And ever since Miranda Sings came into the scene, and I started imitating her on a regular basis, it was becoming so easy to pass my singing off as Miranda impressions if I just alter the pitch a little and deform my facial expressions at the right moment. Soon enough, I was singing every single song in Miranda-mode. It wasn’t just an act anymore. I did it even when I was alone. It’s unbelievably entertaining. I swear. Try it. (Except if you hate Miranda – *cough* asdeentelayoush *cough* – then obviously don’t try it or you’ll want to kill yourslef afterwards. Duh.)

Meanwhile, my real singing voice was getting forgotten. I never really used it, or had a reason to. My Miranda voice was getting perfected, I wasn’t being bothered by my sisters, and – well. There’s no and. I don’t have other reasons. Movin’ on.

Despite all that, I did know that I wasn’t completely useless at music. I had memorized hundreds of songs, and could sing all their lyrics and melodies. Sometimes, in the rare moments when I truly sang a song and appreciated it for what it’s worth, I did catch myself think ‘bet the stupid guys in my class couldn’t even do that. Their heads would break down.’ once, maybe twice, probably 50 times. I mean, really. I know most of it is just me desperately trying to give myself some self esteem, but I did think that I could probably sing better than him.

This ‘him’ is a completely random guy in my class. Anyone. Nobody in particular, for no particular reason – even though when I think of ‘him’ the mental picture is one particular guy. I don’t really have particularly much against him, he’s just a regular stupid guy, nothing particular about him, but I don’t know why it’s always him particularly. I imagine him trying to sing and I’m overcome with a particular feeling of satisfaction. I don’t know why I’m so particularly keen on using the word ‘particular’. Particularly in this particular paragraph. (Try saying that ten times fast)

I also had an ear for melodies. I had started playing piano by ear since about 8th grade. I would just take it out, hum the latest Lady Gaga song I had memorized and try to play it single-handedly on my old keyboard. It’s missing like 5 keys now, but meh.
I love the piano. One of my biggest regrets is that I stopped taking lessons when I was in 4th grade. Gosh I wish I could go back, but too late, I guess.

The point is that I get along with music pretty well.

I still haven’t tackled the choir subject. It’s getting really late and I have school in the morning. Oh well, I guess I’ll divide the intended post in two, now that I have talked about the background a bit, I’ll be able to talk about the whole story exclusively later (tomorrow, in twelve weeks, who knows).

No, just kidding. It’s gonna be soon. Not that you really care, but just sayin’.

Good Night! 🙂 [lol – this has always been my diary outro. I meant journal. Yeah, let’s call it that.]