After months and months of going against the flow and being an unapologetic bitc rebel, I finally gave in and made a Snapchat account.
AND NOW I’M OBSESSED
THESE FILTERS ARE EVERYTHING!
AND THE FACE SWAP OMG THE FACE SWAP IT DESTROYED ME
Anyway, I’d love it if you’d add me: @anth.gemayel
Feel free to send me a surprise snap anytime because I’d probably be bored during that particular time and you’d make me happy. Don’t you want me to be happy? *bats eyes*
Bai
FUCKING FINALLLYYYYYY
As some of you may know, last week I threw a complete tantrum because I dropped my phone in soapy water, and I thought it was ruined for good.
However, by some kind of Miracle (and 70$), it was fixed!!! All my posts are still here, best of all, THIS FANFIC IS NOT LOST! So I’ll be posting as usual 🙂
Let’s go!!
ADVENTURES WITH MIRANDA: PART 6: Miranda Goes To Church
I woked up the nest day feelin retsted. But also revendge. I new what i had to do.
I sat up, eated some of my weddin gifts meats, and drunk the botle of dr. peper that i founded on the streats. But it was SPITCY!!! As i spitt it out and wiped my mouse with my pants, i finaly undestood why its calld ‘dr PEPPER.’Â
I took the gifs and the carkiys and and got in the car to drive it. It was a goud drivin UNTIL i ran out of GATS!!! So i stoped at the gastayshen and filed the car with the gas. But the gastayshen man told me he wanted moneys for the gatses! And i said ‘what the even heck its juts gas whydyou even want money for it?! Ill give u gats myself if u want it’ so i tooted my gases in his fatce. Sudenly he seemed to turn green, and in the road signs green mean that your free to go. So i goed. I also heared someone singin ‘call 911 now!!’ again and i thout wow this seams to be a prety popplar song lately i shoud probly make a cover of itt on my chanel tomoro.
I kept drivin to my detstinatshen. And then i saw it: a churtch decortated with wite baloons and ribons and rozes.Â
A weddin moosic was playin from inside. Peeple were cumin.Â
There was my atstistant raichel there. THAT TRAITOR!!!1! I was gona fire her sogoud later.Â
Altso there was chris the madgitchen and his dauter bayley. I swored that im never even gona do a madgik trik with him anymor and il never even sing a frodzen song with bayly ever again. Thatll show em to cum to my exes weedin.
Wher wasshee… Where washshee… I coudn find her… Where watshe…
And finaly i saw her: a wedin drets on herself, a wite bokay of flowers in her hands, a curly black hairs on her heads, a hudge nose, a wrinkles… There she was. The one ive been lookin for. The one wholl be sory she even essisted.
Colleen.
Seriously… It’s fucking genius.
LOOK AT THIS:
I LITERALLY DIED.
If you don’t recognize these Quens Of Flop, they’re Rhenna, Medoner, and Merier Care.
For those of you who are completely lost, this is a show featuring all the popular pop goddesses. Nekci Menij (Nicki Minaj) is the main character, though Bayonse, Medoner, Ladey Gags, Brinty Spreas, Kety Perr, Adole, and many others are featured in almost every episode (or should I say Epidos).
There are many spin offs for every character too (I currently follow the Ladey Gags show)
If you love disses, shade, pop, YAAAAASSSes and such, you really should go watch on YouTube like now.
Gudbey pesants. I aknolegde ur readership. Now weave to teh Quen B.
Well yes, technically it’s Saturday, but like it’s an hour late, just bear with me here.
Fanfic Fridays continue with Adventures With Miranda Sings!
Part 5: Miranda Gifts The Meats!
I had one goal: to ruwin jotchuas and cleens wedding days. invited or not invitaed, i was goin there.Â
But firs, i had to bring a gifts for them becuase thats the traditshen and im a well rased critshen girl. So i went to a one dolar tshop and seartched for something to gift them. I found a scarscrow, a tshelll, a iBall, a cat, a boy, a magnet, eieughh, a dutst, one o these, and hairs. I put them al in my emty natshur box that i got for utube promotshen but that tatses discustin. Then i went to the growsrey tshop and got them some meats. Weiners becysae there my favrit. unfortshnetly i dint have enuf moneys to pay for al the meet so i decide to sing for the grotsry tshop workers insted of monny. So i begined ‘Honhonhonn my name is meurandaeuuuuu and im so bootifulk and lutshesss my lisstick is bootiful and my hairss are hairyy i have lots o baes and im goin to kill them if theyre cheetin on meee like jotchuaaa and altso ill kil u if your dresing like pornn and show ur skins and chesticle crakss and altsoo-‘ but then they screemed thigns like ‘OKAY STOP IT YOU CAN LEAVE’, ‘PLEASE JUST GO AND TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT BUT SHUT UP!’, and ‘THAT GIRL IS MENTAL’ so i left them quikly becuaes peepol were startin to take out ther phones and i said ‘no pittshurs pleese no piktshers’ becaus i was so femous. As i left i herd someone singin the skikrellex song ‘Someone call 911 now!’ Finlaly i left and the las gift was a free odiobook from audable.cum whichis the leedin provider of audiauboks with over a hunred fitty THOUSANDS bocks.Â
Havin goten my gifts redy, i went to sleep in a cave with the birds and the skies.Â
It was goin to be a big day tomoro.
Welcome to Fanfic Friday!
We continue with Adventures with Miranda!
Part 4: MIRANDA STALKS THE BAE ON SNATTCHAT
I was drivign allover the cuntry and i saw lots of porn on the streets. Evrytime i seen somethin like thits, i started honking my horns and flatshing my hedlites in their faytces so they stop lookin like slutts. It was werkin at first but THENn i kept sawing more and more discustinnesses! So i grabedmy gun and started shouting bulets at all the chetsticle craks i was seein. They all strtated to drop on the floors jus like my uncle, and there seemed to be koolaid drippin from their chetsts. Or it coud be wine becuz they were siners afterall.That seemed to work bicuz people started finallly not dressing like hoses and they ran away wen they seen me. Also there were som cars following me that kept flatshing bloue and red lites around me and making loud noises like the ambulance, but i guetss these were jus warnings for the peoples to stoop beein porns.
So anyways, i kept drivin and drivin and i started to feel hungry and thistry despite the hairs and the sweats. So i stoped at a tacobell and ordered a big tacobell and a juices. But the lady gave me a medium tacobell! And the juice was beer!! It has ALCOHOL IN ITTT!!! so i shooted at the lady ‘HOW COUD U DO THITS?! DO I LOOK LIEK A SINNER?!’ and she said mmm hmmm so i throwed the food at her. And i killed her too.
Finaly i stoped at a 711 and got some koolaid and then some chipotlay and eated evrything.
I was redy for the actshen: i had to revenge myself to jotchua and collean. But how do i do it??
I opened my snattchat and started to stalk the bae. I seartched for jotchuadtv’s snattchat acount. I found it and opend his story. Firs i saw a selfie of himself and i dint even found him attrakiv. Then ther was a selfie with coleen and they were holdin their hends like hoes. And THENN… I SAW RINGS ON THEIR HANDS!!!!
and then there was a pic of theyre wedding invataytshen. THEY WERE GETTIN MARRIEDDEDED?!?!? HOW ISAT EVEN POTSIBEL?!
So i caled jotchua again and said ‘jotchua! How coud you even get marrid without me?! Im ur bae!’
‘Miranda?! I told you, there’s nothing between you and me, just leave me the fuck alone!’
‘WHADDID YOU JUST SAYYY?!?!1! U SAID TO ME A BAD WORD AND YOUr GETIN MARIED WITH ANOTHER GIRL?! Can i cum to the weding alleast and get some cakes?’
‘Absolutely not. You’ll ruin it. Just… Get out of my life, okay?’ And he just hunged up in my face! I mean ear! What the even heck!
I lookded at the snattchat again. at the invaytetion.
The weding was tomoro.
I wasnt invited… or so he thout.
We continue Fanfic Fridays with:
ADVENTURES WITH MIRANDA!
PART 3: MIRANDA PRANK CALLS JOSHUADTV!!
After i left from jotchuas housse, i went to my uncle imidyatetly and i said ‘oooh uncle, cudle me so goud… I need it more then ever!’
‘Ocourts il cudle u miranda, i luv cudlin litle womens like u’
‘Oooh uncule ur sogoud i love you more than even half of my baes. For shur more than jotchua. HIS CHEETIN ON ME!!’
‘that litle motherfuc-‘
‘DONT SAY A BAD WORRDDD!!!!’
‘Sory sweety. i think we shold revenge on him’
‘Oooh uncle whata goud ideas! What shoud we do?’
‘Lets get him jelus’ he said with a strandge smiley on his face. He pointed at himself, then at myself, then at the bed. And i understanded it so fast becus im such a smart girl.
‘Yes! Less do itt!’ I said. Myuncle startd sweatying and said ‘so u wana…’
‘Yes!’
‘Ooh ive been waitin for thits for soo longg’ he said essitedly. I was also essited too.
‘yes! Im goin to prank call him sogoud he wont even now it was me! Hohoho im gonna gethim hohoho’
For sum reason my uncle lookd ditsapointed.Â
I took my fone and called jotchua.
‘Hello, it’s Josh, who is this?’
‘Jotchua! Im youre mother! Come to my houtse emidiatley!’
‘Excuse me?’
‘I said come hear imdiately thits is youre mother you have left the houtse and youre grouneded!’
‘Who is this? Miranda… I should have known it…’
‘NO IM NOUT MIRANDA IM NOT THAT BOOTIFUL IM UR MOTHER COME HEAR RITE KNOW YOU LITLE BAD BOY IM GOIN TO SPANK YOU SO GOUD!’
AND THENNN! HE HANGS UP ON MEEE!!!!1! Are youy kideen me?!?!Â
‘Uncle!! Ur idea was awful i hate it youre so stupidt it dint even workk!!’ So i jus took my stuffs and my uncles car keys and a gun so i can be preparated for the dangers.
‘Wat aryou doin miranda stoppit where are u goin you cant leave the houtse lets go cuddle in my b-‘
But he dint even finished his settence becose i killed him with my gun. I altso took his moneys and some of his hairs so i wont get hungry in my trip. And i took the car and drived it far far away from hear. Thas what u get for standin in my ways.
I even runned over twoo cats in the midle of the road because they were havin babies and bein porn in public.
I dint even care thou. I wanted revendge. And nobadys gona stoppit from me.
We continue Fanfic Fridays with:
ADVENTURES WITH MIRANDA!
PART 2: MIRANDS GETS BETRAYED
(Here is Part 1)
Hey hoozat at the door?’ I said, very titted off that i was imptrerupted while singin. So i went to jotchuas door to open it.
And I saw jotchua.
At the door.
HIS ARMS AROUD ANOTHER GIRL!!!1!
I screemed ‘JOTCHUADTV WHAT ARE YOU DOIIIN?!’
‘Whow… Calm down miranda…’
‘JOTCHUADTV DONT U TELL ME TO CALM DOWN IM GONNA GETSHU SOGOUD YOU WONT EVEN NOW IT’
‘Sure. Colleen, this is Miranda. Miranda, this is-‘
‘HOW CUD U DO DIS TO ME?! I’M UR BAE!’
‘Yeah, and she’s my fiancée.’
…
…
…
…
…
‘…….wwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWHATTTTTHHH?!?!?!?!??!?! How is that even potsible? Shes ugly.’
‘She’s the love of my life.’
‘No! I am! Im ur bae!’
‘Miranda, first of all, you got Tyler, Ricky, Flula, Joey too, your uncle and Lohanthony and yourself, and god knows how many other baes.’
‘Thats becus im very famouser’
‘And I bet none of them even agreed on being your bae or whatever. You scared them into it! You’re so delusional Miranda!’
‘Yeah rite! ill show you whose deludgenal! Youl pay for thits!’
‘Whatever Miranda. Just get out.’
so i grabbed my keys and camera and phone and lisstik and koolaid and went to the door. Also i spilled my koolaid on colleen and i got her sogoud she started screemin. thats whatshu get. My mom always says thats what happens for hores who steel baes.
But i wasnt even done withit. Im goin to ruin ther lives. They wont even now it.Â
WELCOME TO FANFIC FRIDAY!
I’m so excited to open this new weekly post, where every Friday of every week, I’ll be posting a new chapter from my current fanfiction!
I’m going to start with:
ADVENTURES WITH MIRANDA!!
This fic was SO fun to write. I’m still not done with it, but it will go on for at least 6 weeks. Have fun! This is the first chapter, hope you don’t hate it 🙂
PART 1: MIRANDA SINGS GOES TO JOSHUA’S HOUSE
Hi guys its me miranda. So today i was at my bae jotchuadtv’s house and we were filming a Qyou an Ay, and I was so titted off becouse he was wering a SHORTS! And I said ‘stoppit jotchua this is porn! Satan will get you so goud if you keep dressing like this discustinness’ but he dint even care aboutit!Â
And THEN a GIRL called him and she said ‘hi jotch its me colleen, do you want to get tacobell with raitchel for luntch?’Â
ARE U KEEDIN ME?! no girls can have lunch with MY bae and MY attsitstant except ME!!!1! So i took his phone and throwed it from the window.
Then we finnished the qyu en ai, and I told evry1 to suscribe to me and jotchuadtv but to me more becous im not a siner like jotchuadtv.Â
He aksked me when im gonna leave and i said ‘yeah rite im not even leeving before i eat’ so i went to his kittchen and drinked all the koolaid.
The koolaid made me wild and crayzy so i started singing. “WHHEUUHEUEHUHEUU MY NAME IS MEURANDEUUU AND IMTHE BOOTIFULETST OF THE GIRLS AND I HAVE SOMANY BAAA*high voice*AAAA*low voice*aaaaaaa*whistletones*AAII II AI H A A -”Â
And just when i was about to do the big final, there was a nok on the door.
I can hear your disappointed boos already. I know. You don’t know who the fuck Miranda is, or what this all means, or why I am writing like a fourth grader.
Miranda Sings is a Youtube character played by Colleen Ballinger (above mentioned in the fic). She’s a parody of all the youtubers who think they’re the shit (mostly horrible singers and beauty gurus). I find her hilarious, and so do 5.000.000 other subscribers. Colleen herself is the sweetest person on earth. Check out their channels, and then check again and see if any of this will make sense!
See you in a week! (For the fanfic. I’m still posting regular posts and reviews every day or two. Not everything’s gone to the dogs.)
Nope. Not a joke.
Miranda just recently made a video called ‘Reading Fanfiction‘ and the most amazing idea dawned on me: Mirandafics!Â
The possibilities started flooding my brain. I NEEDED to write Miranda stories!Â
At first I thought of doing a continuous story. Then, I had the idea of making it about Miranda in the Harry Potter world! But then I couldn’t really think of much that would happen so I finally settled on making weekly (or monthly, or whatever, the schedule isn’t really important at the moment) fics, each in a different situation/universe.Â
I guess I’ll start with a normal story first (as normal as Miranda gets, at least) and then dive into completely imaginary scenarios like Hogwarts and stuff later.
This is exciting! I can’t wait. Even though I know that my one faithful reader and bestie happens to hate Miranda. Oh well, she’ll have to deal with it.
Oh, I forgot: for those of you who don’t know who or what a Miranda is (shame on you), she’s a quite popular Youtuber. Here she is:
Isn’t she just beautiful?! 😍
(Look up Colleen Ballinger on Google. It will all make much more sense.)
Today we went to the airport to pick up my uncle’s family who are coming to stay for two weeks to attend my other uncle’s wedding. While I went mostly because I wanted to listen to a new album on the road, it was quite a process.Â
1. Omagash we’re goin to the airport like cool people who actually aren’t confined to this country do omagash omagash
2. Let’s sleep early so we won’t feel sleepy on the road. *reschedules alarm to 3 A.M.*
3. *3 A.M.* What who where what’s happening what am I doing here who am I what’s going on what’s that soundÂ
4. WHO TURNED ON THE ALARM CLOCK THIS EARLY IS THIS A JOKE IT’S ONLY 3 A.M. I WANNA SLEEP
5. Ohh right. The airport.
6.*Clumsily puts on clothes*
7.*Realizes shirt is on backwards and readjusts it*
8. Off we go yaaaay
9. Shit that’s a long ride.
10. My butt is hurting already gosh how can they bear sitting in that airplane for 14 hours straight
11. Let’s not talk about my headphones that are pretty much sewing my ears to my skull.
12. And we’ll never be royals (rooooyals)
13. Are we there yet
14. Are we there yet
15. Baby I rule I rule I rule I ruuuule
16. Are we there yet
17. Fucking finally.
18. OH GOD THE SMELL. THEY WEREN’T KIDDING ON THE NEWS.
19. Ooooo we’re goin in omagash omagash omagashh
20. So many peoplezz. Why do they all have to look cooler than me. I didn’t really think about all the damage to my self-esteem this trip would cause.
21. Oh great a caffeteria.
22. 20$ for a coffee no thank u. Also I don’t even drink coffee so.
23. Selfie time with sis.
24. No wait lemme fix my hair.
25. No wait until this man passes so it won’t look like we’re taking photos of him (but I mean look at him why would we)
25. No wait we should move a little so the airport signs are visible and people know how cool we are to be involved in airports and such.
26. Hmm this filter looks better actually
27. Lemme post it on insta omg we’re so cool out n about at 5 A.M.
28. There.
29. Okay so maybe we should go and wait for our cousins to appear because that’s why we’re here?
30. Omg I want his hair can I have his hair
31. Lol is she lost
32. OMG THAT’S THEM THAT’S nope wait it’s a man in a dress.
33. Look at all those old people why do they get to travel and not me 😦
34. This kid is such a diva.
35. Finally it’s them yaaaaay omfg they’ve changed so much it can’t have been two years only
36. *awkward confusion* do I stay here do I go meet them do I do a backflip
37. Um hi hello hi how are you how was your flight are you tired okay well great hello hi
38. And the award for the most awkward welcome goes to… *no drumroll cz winner is obvs*
39. Um I’ll go with dad you go with the others what no please I have anxiety oh alright fine
40. Hello young shy cousin welcome to Lebanon. No it does not smell that horrible everywhere. Also this sand storm isn’t permanent. Wow what a great first impression we’re making.
41. *awkward silence for about an hour*Â
42. Okay then if you don’t mind imma play on my phone for a bit
43. Seriously now you bother to ask me questions when I’m in the zone – um no uncle how many times have you asked I am not in college yet and I do not have a girlfriend to go marry in Australia. Though I wish both were true.
44. OMFG SLOW DOWN THERE’S A RETARDED DOG SLEEPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!!1!
45. *texts dad who’s behind us so he watches out for retarded dog*
46. Yes now open your window see it doesn’t smell like trash everywhere
47. Oh well it does here but only because of the fertilizers.
48. Yay we’re home
49. *stands smiling awkwardly in the back with dad and sisters watching cousins being greeted by everyone and cried upon by grandma*
50. Alright well you enjoy your breakfast I’ll just go sleep for days 🙂
Wasn’t this fun.
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