Well not me. My choir!
Remember my concert last November? (You probably don’t because like 3 people read that post) Anyway it’s airing NOW! Yaaaaayyyy

I am so proud of us gash we are FAB.

PLEASE watch us following this link:
And then tell me what you thought! I know this must be exotic to you because 1) it’s religious hymns for Saint Marie Alphonsine and 2) it’s in Arabic which I assume is unknown by a lot of you, so you’re discovering something new WHILE listening to our angelic voices!! #ShamelessSelfPromoBitch

Really, if you could tune in, even for just a minute, and tell me what you think, I’d really really appreciate it. It was my first ever concert and I’m thrilled!

Here’s the link for the live stream (it’s really un-HD and subsequently non-bandwidth-destorying) again in case you missed it (also in case you hadn’t caught my desperation you definitely did right now)



PS: I am NOT the bald old guy no just NO lol I’m with the choir. Just in case someone thinks otherwise.

OKAY it’s over now. That was good! We all (choralistans) watched it together and remembered all the little incidents and mishaps :p I felt proud of us. Now let’s study!

Making my wish come true!

Today, I went to a music school and signed up for piano lessons.
It was not my first time having a shot at learning the instrument: I had taken some lessons for about 2 months in Grade 4 [STOP RIGHT THERE: I just went to search for my old piano book. After finding it and going through the pages I found out that it was more like 6 months. HOW THE FUCK COULD I HAVE SPENT 6 MONTHS LEARNING THE PIANO AND I BARELY REMEMBER ANYTHING?! I just tried playing some of the basic things in there and I suck so much.]
Well that was like 8 years ago. Wow.
Anyway, I don’t really remember if I started taking lessons back then for any purpose beside having an activity. I don’t think there was, because I became uninterested after a few months and just quit, never giving it much more thought.
In Grade 8, about 3-4 years ago, however, I decided to turn on my keyboard. It had been sitting in my room since fourth grade, just being there. It was back when I really stated to listen to music, especially Lady Gaga, and that’s when I became a huge fan of hers. So I was taking in all these awesome songs. I guess I just needed to regurgitate them.
That’s how I discovered how to play song tunes by ear.
Yep, I just went to that keyboard, tried all the different combinaisons there was until I hit the right note, and memorized the sequence.
I became truly amazed by how every melody could be played using this simple instrument. I even remember that I once started staring at my piano and thinking ‘Omg. All of the world’s songs that have ever been written and that will ever be written are inside this thing. HOW?!’
Well, soon, I found out that it wasn’t really a ‘simple’ instrument. There were tunes I just couldn’t get, which was frustrating. Also, I could only play stuff I had memorized, usually with lots of errors, and I had NO idea how people could play with two hands at once. Or even one hand, keeping every finger on a note. No matter how hard I tried, my hands could not be tamed!
I wished I had continued piano.
I literally spent years seeing people play and being jealous, getting a tinge of longing every time I saw a piano, desperately trying to make myself play better. I have no idea just WHY I didn’t just start taking piano again!
Looking back at it now, I honestly can not explain why I didn’t go back to piano. I clearly wanted it. What was wrong with me?!
But now things have changed. Yes, I can proudly say that I have finally decided that I want to learn piano. I need to be taught, because if I don’t, I’ll always feel this bitterness, I’ll always regret not doing it.
Better late than never!
What pushed me to sign up was my friend Mini. Yes, the same Mini I talked about about four months ago, when I posted about how I joined the school choir. It’s not a coincidence; Mini just loves music and wants people to love it too. I mean that’s what I deduced, you know, after he convinced me of doing both of these thimgs.
Joining the choir remains one of the best decisions I made last year, and that’s all thanks to him. So I really, really hope that the same scenario will repeat itself and that a few months from now, I’ll look back and be even more grateful for him.
So here’s to piano! To music! To new experiences! To friendship! To cheesy toasts! To doing well on my physics test after being convinced I wouldn’t!

I’ll miss you, 2015!


I’ll miss all the time I spent in class, laughing my heart out next to my friends.

I’ll miss the projects we had so much fun making and presenting.

I’ll miss the thrill of planning my friends’ birthdays. Picking the perfect gifts. Worrying everything will be ruined. Seeing their delighted faces.

I’ll miss the disbelief I felt when I walked into the Bookyard for the first time, completely astonished by the number of books surrounding me.

I’ll miss the thrill of receiving my first Harry Potter book, by a sweet friend. I’ll miss the feeling of utter accomplishments I felt when I finally completed my collection.

I’ll miss the albums I’ve heard, and the joy of hearing them for the first time.

I’ll miss the ecstasy of realizing I don’t have to do my exams at the end of the year, after studying all year long (and sometimes, not so much).

I’ll miss the moments when I made up with my friends after an argument. I will not miss the arguments.

I’ll miss the day my friends celebrated my birthday. The first time that ever happened.

I’ll miss the awe I felt when I laid eyes upon my majestic birthday cake. I’ll miss my friends’ satisfied smiles after that.

I’ll miss the day I finally decided to start my own blog. I’ll miss how exciting the prospect felt.

I’ll miss my Uncle’s wedding, and all the awesome events that ensued.

I’ll miss the feeling I had when I sold my first book at the Bookyard. How I instantly dashed to spend the money on a new book.

I’ll miss discovering that new book. Reading that new book. Falling in love with that new book. Deciding to blog because of that new book.

I’ll miss how anxious I was when I woke up on the first day of school. I’ll miss the relief I felt when I made sure my class was okay.

I’ll miss how satisfied I was after receiving my first grade of the term. How I swore to myself I shouldn’t accept anything less.

I’ll miss the feeling of accomplishment after I finished Insurgent in only two days, making it my fastest read. I will not miss Allegiant.

I’ll miss the day I made the decision of becoming more active in my life.

I’ll miss the day I decided to audition for the school choir. I’ll miss how amazing it felt when I was accepted.

I’ll miss my determination when I decided that it was time to be more fit, and joined a calisthenics group. I’ll miss the satisfaction of completing the exercises. I look forward to joining a proper gym in the coming year.

I’ll miss the inexplicable feeling of performing in a concert for the first time ever. Appreciating how beautiful we sounded, and how magical music just is.

I’ll miss the disbelief when I saw that copy of Harry Potter: Page To Screen for sale in the Bookyard at fives times less, and practically crying of joy. I’ll miss not even daring to touch it, and then reading it like a child playing with his favorite toy.

I’ll miss how proud I was when I was elected class president. I’ll miss all the cool stuff we came up with, and the projects we successfully executed.

I’ll miss decorating my class for Christmas. I’ll hate removing everything next week.

I’ll miss the anticipation of enrolling to the Spanish course, and the excitement of learning yet another language.

I’ll miss performing as an actor for the first time ever in front of the whole school. I’ll miss how it felt, delivering that last line.

I’ll miss every Miranda video I watched. I’ll miss how I loved her. I’ll miss buying her book and feeling like I just acquired a treasure. I’ll miss imitating her and making Elm laugh.

I’ll miss how awesome it felt to receive my French grades and realizing that they don’t need to drop just because I’m growing more and more in English.

I’ll miss writing my personal diary every single day, and decorating it with my musical obsessions. I’ll look forward to reading it sometime in the future and laugh at myself.

I’ll miss realizing that I actually have readers on this blog. I’ll never forget how amazing it felt to finally achieve this dream.

I’ll miss writing blog posts. The thrill of pushing that ‘Publish’ button. Waiting in anticipation for you guys to read them.

I’ll miss becoming a blogger. I’ll miss getting to know other bloggers. I’ll miss how beautiful it was to feel like I finally belong in this community. I’ll miss the love I felt whilst interacting with each and every one of you.

I’ll miss sitting here, typing away with a smile on my face as I look back on the best moments of this year. I’ll miss the anticipation of spending New Year’s Eve with my friends. I hope I’ll miss this night tomorrow!

I’ll miss you, 2015. Thank you for being the best year of my entire life.


Guys… I have no words.
I’m so happy and overwhelmed.
As some of you might know, at the beginning of the school year and through a series of miracles I ended up being in the school choir.
I had told you how I got in, but I still haven’t told you the impact it had on my life. It has become my escape. A place free of all the bullshit we go through, free of all the horrible, judgemental people, free of all worries and trouble… Just music, and singing, and amazing people with beautiful souls – and voices.
Hearing us sing together is mesmerizing. It’s truly angelic. I have grown to anticipate choir lessons above all else during the week.
Our choir leader, the members, even I was surprised at how quickly I caught on. Not that my voice underwent a transformation, but I was doing very well for someone who had just started singing in a choir for the first time in his life. I learned all the songs and practiced every day. Never did I think I’d grow that fond of religious hymns but nowadays they’re all I sing and constantly on the tip of my tongue.

ANYWAY, fast forward to this evening. The previous three months have been leading up to this big night, as it would be the album release concert for a CD dedicated to the newly-announced Saint Marie Alphonsine, who happens to be the founder of our school’s sisterhood.
Even though I had joined halfway through these three months, I was allowed to participate in the concert, and I was absolutely thrilled.
I wasn’t really nervous to be quite honest. The year before, I had participated in a poetic night, during which I said a poem that I wrote in front of an audience (at the same stage where the concert would happen; which is our school’s. It is very grandiose with over 300 seats). At that time I was solo, with a spotlight and all, so naturally this time being with about 40 others and an orchestra I would feel quite comfortable.

So, yesterday afternoon, after drinking a good cuppa tea and honey, I put on my little chorist uniform (which you might mistake as a hotel clerk’s or a waiter at a high profile restaurant’s outfit), had a hair stylist give me a classic groovy look (I mean come on, I gotta look the part), and headed to school. They had put up tall banners with the famous Marie Alphonsine painting plastered on them.

I went backstage, and there we were all, similarly dressed in black, white and blue. We looked adorbz.

We went on stage to take our places, and I took in the enormity of it all. The roses, the lights, the orchestra (I was literally starstruck by the instruments. That contrebass! ヾ(*´∀`*)ノ ), heck, the event was going to be filmed for TV! I was excited, and frankly thankful that I had fixed my hair before coming.

The curtains were closed while the theater was being filled with people. I started to feel the weight of what I was going in for. The moment came. The national anthem started playing, while the curtains slowly unfurled and the crowd, the lights, the cameras, the flashes, everything together hit me so suddenly and I took in all of it.

The lights dimmed, the conductor appeared, the instruments started playing.

Wait, what were the words again?

What are the notes to this song?

Am I even singing? What am I doing here?

All these thoughts emerged and flooded my brain and spirit during the interval between the instrumental intro and the solo. It was our cue after that. We had to sing. And I had forgotten how to open my mouth.

Well, I thought I did. Because once the moment came, it came so naturally I thought a spirit had inhabited me and started moving my mouth and vocal chords for me. It happened in a snap, and the next moment I had regained control over the whole situation. My face unclenched, my lips curled into a smile of relief while still singing ‘On Your Ways Oh Jesus’ just as I had done many, many times before, and my gaze turned as soft and dramatic as can be, staring up to the bright golden lights as if I was looking into Marie’s eyes, singing to her, because this was still a performance and I was fully commited. Plus, I really felt it. It was Serenety, Love, Peace (which happens to be the title of another song we performed, and honestly I am surprised at how well these words describe what we sang because they came to my mind so naturally I forgot they were actually a song’s title. These were not random meaningless lyrics someone came up with just for the sake of it.)

The best were, of course, the Four Voices songs, which interestingly happened to be 4. ‘Wafts of Aromas and Melodies’, ‘Rose of Al-Kuds’, ‘Alphonsine’s Home’, and ‘Turn Your Loving Gaze To Me’ (I hope I have done these titles justice in translating them from Arabic; the last one wasn’t too hard because we actually sing it in four languages including English).
These songs were really pure genius. I have no idea how someone comes up with these melodies, but oh my god! It’s unearthly! I wish I could show you a clip, because it was really, really beautiful.


There was only one downside, and I’m saying this just to get my feet back on the ground a little.
Oh wow. I honestly did not mean to use that previous expression on purpose at all, because ironically the problem I’m talking about was feet-related. It’s just the fact that I had to stand completely still for two hours, holding the song book by one arm, while my body was still stiff and aching from the workout session a day before. That’s excluding the two other hours standing just like that during the repetition. Plus, I was wearing the world’s most feet-squishing shoes, which made my toes go numb so I had to basically tap dance to reestablish circulation through them while still maintaing good posture in my upper body because I was still being filmed. I also kept moving back and forth because I was afraid I was going to fall off, and at some point I was positive I was going to faint and/or vomit. These were some of the most secretly awkward moments of my life, but compared to everything else that happened that night it’s really not relevant.

After the concert was finished to great applause, the curtains closed once more. Everyone made a loud sigh of relief as we collapsed on stage, rubbing our legs and stretching our shoulders. It obviously wasn’t just me, even though I think I was the only one to whom this was their first ever concert.

On the way out, we were all given a gift box, which contained dinner (two sandwiches, a brownie and juice). These were frankly some of the best sandwiches I’ve ever eaten. It’s quite probably because I felt these were rewards for our hard work. It’s the same as when you read a book you saved up and paid for yourslef.

In the – what do they call it – the pre-theater-place-where-people-meet-and-talk-and-there’s-sometimes-a-buffet-with-delicious-pastry room, I (and of course every memberbof the choir) received congratulations from guests and spectators. Our Headmistress or Head-Nun herself (who is practically the president of the school) went totally out of character (I’m talking WAY out) and kissed every one of us she crossed paths with and told us what a great job we did with a true smile. I was positively shocked, because I thought she was sort of a Voldemort in terms of emotion.

Finally, we all thanked the one and only Sister M, who’s responsible for our choir, the CD, the songs, the concert, the whole project, who worked her hardest to make the night a success. And it worked.

This will most definitely be a night I’ll never, ever forget. This sounds extremely cliché, I know, but sometimes you really can’t say more than that. This was my very first concert, and I pray to God (and Marie) it won’t be the last.

And the Class Prez for this year is… (Spoiler Alert: Me.)

Oh yeah, oh yeah, happy dance

Who says nerdy kids can’t make it!?

I’m living proof: I just won the title over 3 other very popular guys in class. 

How did that happen? Well don’t ask me, because heck if I know.

Usually, it’s popularity that matters in these matters, and not leadership skills. The only thing I’m popular for is having high grades = I study too much (which I reaaally don’t, but who will believe me beside the people who really know me)

Still, I put my name in, because I had noticed a fault in their plan.

Let’s consider our class is divided into two teams. The Cool and the Meh. Let’s also consider that the amount of Cools is slightly lower than the amount of Mehs.

The thing is, the Cools usually don’t come too bright.

What they were aiming for was that they were trying to get a Cool to be class president so that they can have control over many things, including Prom Prep for next year (yep, they think way ahead if time). They were popular, and therfore thought likely to be chosen.

Their big mistake was that, instead of increasing their chances, they divided them by 3. By nominating 3 people from the same category (Cools), they were weakening their chances of winning.

Why did they not notice this flaw? The answer is over-confidence, a.k.a vanity.

Each of these people think that 1) they are popular, therefore people like them, therefore people will vote for them, and 2) they’re the most popular. They did not have a clue that while their popularity is widely aknowledged, it is not welcome to everyone, especially the to Mehs. Us Mehs aren’t going to vote for people who have always been viewed as better than us, who even may have bullied us, just because they’re “popular”. Even putting that aside, if they had for one moment thought of nominating just one person from their camp and voting for him, they might have won. But as I said, they each think they’ve got their fans. Unfortunately (for them), these ‘fans’ are often shared between the Cools, and when two Cools are nominated, fans will be forced to decide for one or the other. 

What strenghtened my chances was that I was the only Meh up for the title, and I was pretty popular amongst them, because I’m quite friendly with people I’m not afraid of. They’re very nice people.

In the days before elections, the other candidates really believed that one of them was going to win for sure. They didn’t even mention me while discussing their chances. That’s the problem with Cools: they’re naïve and conceited as fuck. I mean didn’t they, for just a moment, wonder why I – insecure and unCool as I am – would nominate myself against them if I hadn’t calculated my chances?

The election day came, and we all cast our votes. An interesting – but predictable – thing happened: one of the candidates, who was somewhat brighter than the other two, realized the mistake they had made – just moments before people started voting. Obviously, he didn’t tell anyone, much less his oponents, but I knew. I knew the panic. I was delighted. I’m kinda a horrible person.

He wasn’t just going to sit there and take it though – he had to act. To cheat. And cheat he did: he stole at least 3 voting papers from different people, crossed the names they had voted for, and wrote his. I guess from that you could conclude that the voting was unsupervised and taken very lightly. Shame. One of the other candidates tried to pay people to vote for him, but it didn’t work out because it turned out he didn’t have money.

Result: three days later, the winner is announced, and I win with 17 votes. The others received 2, 5 and 4 (that one was the cheater – just his vote and the 3 he stole). 

Wow, I actually had gotten more than half! I certainly did not expect that. I’m very flattered. I’m enjoying my useless title right now, but it ain’t doing me any good at the moment because I’m studying for a Physics test and it ain’t lookin’ hopeful. 

Did I also tell you that i joined our first ever press club? Or that I started going with friends to a bodybuilding gym to tone my muscles and actually go to the beach this summer? 

That particular thing is most new to me, and it’s also been quite painful (it has been 3 days since the first workout and my hands are still sore from the body rolls – I couldn’t even move them the first day. And it’s gonna be like that every weekend.) Still, I’m excited to see what I’ll make of it.

So yeah, pretty exciting year for me! Choir, press club, class presidency, bodybuilding, and of course this blog! All of these have happened so fast, but I’m enjoying them so far. Let’s hope it stays this way! (I’d also like to take up Piano lessons, but I think that’s pushing the line a bit.)

I’ll see you soon, hopefully, as I’m working on many upcoming posts! (Including Potterviewter 2, Confident Album Review, Mirandafics and an Award).


How I made it to Choir! (Part 2)

Here is the last part of my story about how I made it to choir. It is long, but I wanted to tell it with all the details. Here’s where we left off:


I guess my panic was pretty obvious because Sister M said calmly ‘don’t worry, it’s alright, I just wanted to know why you were here.’
‘I just wanted to try out… For the experience… And my friend told me…’ I muttered. Mini was gonna pay for this.

She asked me what chant I had prepared, and for some reason I just stood there, frozen, apparently trying to think of something to sing other than the hymn I had been preparing for days. Why I did that is still I mystery but it sure as hell made me look like I just kind of wandered here by mistake and said ‘oh hey, I know what would be fun, I’ll try out for choir!’

At last, I regained reason and told her what I would be singing. She was going to accompany me with the piano, and she would stop playing at some point to see if I could continue singing with no music.

I was taken aback. I did not know that I would be singing over a piano, and I had never done it before. What if I went horribly off tune? Oh god oh god oh god.

Sister M started playing. I took a deep breath. Then I started singing.

Something strange happened then. It was as though a switch went off inside me. I didn’t know how or why, but suddenly, singing felt like the most natural thing in the world! I couldn’t believe how much better I sounded with the piano. It just seemed to flow out if me effortlessly. Not that I became some sort of Frank Sinatra, but I just thought ‘this is right.’ I started smiling. I almost caught myself laughing at many occasions and quickly stopped myself so that I don’t ruin the song.

I was then asked to do another song. I had not prepared for that. I didn’t even know all the words! I tried my best, and ended up just repeating the chorus, but that’s fine.

Next, I had to sing the notes that Sister M played on the piano. That was to see if I could get the notes right. Sure enough, I did pretty well.

Lastly, it was time for the vocal exercice, in which I have to sing ‘Mééééaaaaiiiiii’ on different – what, keys? I don’t know what these are called. But I know that it kicks up a note every time, and I have to sing it over and over until I can’t reach.

I found it quite fun, and I also had to stop myself laughing there, because it was kinda ridiculous, me standing there with my mouth wide open belting out this sound I only ever heard on Star Academy.

I didn’t reach too high. I guess I looked worried, because then the nun called in a boy who seemed to have been in choir for a long time. She did the same exercice with him, and he could reach the high notes I couldn’t. Was she just showing me that I’m not good enough? I wasn’t very pleased.

But then, she started lowering the notes, and he reached a point where he couldn’t go on. That’s when she asked me to pick up, and I did. It wasn’t hard at all. I kept going down until my voice was just a rumble. So it’s not about singing the highest you can after all.

I finished. She looked at me, and held out her hand.
‘Congratulations! You’re a Bass.‘ She said, smiling.
I took her hand disbelievingly. Is that it? I’m in?!
‘What’s a bass?’ I asked.
‘It’s your vocal type, it means you can sing the lower notes. They’re few here, so it’s great to have an addition.’

So that was it. I’m officially in. I felt so light, so relieved – I made it! How?! It was unreal. All my worries were pointless. Wow!!!

I immediately texted everyone. Told them I wasn’t accepted. Just to mess with them. Especially Mini.

I then started talking with Sister M and the other boy about myself. My grades, where I’m from, my hobbies… I said that I loved listening to music, and playing the piano, but only by ear. So she asked me if I could play and sing something. The first song that popped into my head was Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’. I played the chorus on the piano, rather nervously, because I had never done it in front of anyone before. For the song, I started to sing ‘Wide Awake’ by Katy Perry because I had sung it the day before on karaoke and felt good about it, but I didn’t feel good at all after a few notes so I changed my mind midway and sang ‘Dollhouse’ by Melanie Martinez instead. It was okayish. She noticed that I have a small lisp with the letter S, which I’ve had since I was little, and told me that I should have seen a doctor for it. I don’t think my parents really cared about that.

‘So when do I start?’ I asked.
‘Today. The lesson starts at 4’ she replied.
It was 3:30 now. I’ll wait. I was very excited.

When Mini came, I was standing alone outside, with a very fake frown. I assumed he had gotten my message, because he had an apologetic tone when he asked ‘what happened?’ Aww. After all, he did recommend me. I should be thanking him. Instead, I smiled and said ‘Bass.
‘Wait – really?! That’s great, I’m bass too! We’re only like 4 and there are so many tenors (I assumed tenors were the high-singers like that other boy). Sister M told me she’d kill me if I had brought in a new one.’

That was nice to hear. Maybe I wasn’t going to be a useless adition after all.

Moments later other chorists started arriving, and I could tell Mini was right because they seemed happy to know that there was a new bass. When everyone was there at last, we all sat on chairs, each group (Bass, Tenor, Alto [lower-voiced girls] and Soprano [the opposite]) alone.

Sister M started the session by welcoming me into the choir, and I received polite applause from everyone. I didn’t notice this, but I was actually the only one who tried out.

We then went into respiration and relaxation exercices. These were fun.

Not as fun as the vocal exercices, though. These were amazing. Hearing everyone sing at once, it was close to magical. I couldn’t believe I was a part of that.

I had some trouble at first adjusting to the right keys, but I quickly recovered.

Then, it was time to learn a new song. She gave us the music sheets, and each group was off to learn it alone, because as I came to know we don’t all sing the same tunes.

As it was my first time, I had some problems singing the right notes at certain places. But they were all very patient and encouraging with me, not once did they seem annoyed or amused, and they told me that this was a hard song compared to the usual (though I feel like they were just trying to raise my spirits).

But it did pay off, and I finally reached those tricky notes. I felt very pleased with myself.

Usually, after learning a song, we were supposed to sing it all together (the four groups), but that day was an exception because they were having elections for choir president and assistants. The president and his crew from last year had prepared a nice little ceremony involving funny sketches and a buffet, and I thought their spirit was awesome. I was happy to be part of such a community.

I told Mini about that, and he said ‘I know. This is the only place at school that I really like.’

I then understood why he wanted us here. And I’m very, very glad I joined.

How I made it to Choir! (Part 1)

I am currently in the middle of a pre-wedding party, much like the one I talked about last month in my ‘Yay! I’m still up’ post.

However, this time, I’m not really that concerned and I’m just sitting on a table watching people dance to this tribal arabic music of ours, minding my own business, waiting for the groom’s family to arrive so we can make a big deal about it then go home.

Meanwhile, I decided now was a pretty good moment to continue my story about music & choir that I started in my last post. You know, wedding parties, blog-writing… Goes perfectly well together.

Where were we…


As I had started my story, it all began with the Choir posters that were plastered all over the school hallways. I wasn’t interested the slightest bit in the idea, not that I didn’t like singing (as I’ve counted in detail in the last post), but it just seemed too far-fetched, somehow.

The ‘trigger’ was my friend, who I shall nickname Mini for confidential purposes. (Just kidding. There’s nothing confidential about this. It just seems cool. Also, I called him Mini because his short height is a running joke between our group of friends.)

He was a member of choir, and I guess they either needed more numbers or he didn’t have enough friends there. So he asked us all if we’d join, it would be fun, and all that. I jokingly said yes. I didn’t have the faintest idea that his response would be something like ‘great! So you’ll do it?’ I was quite taken aback so I said I’d think about it by tomorrow.

And I did think about it. A lot. Being me, I started making my mental list of cons and negative points and down sides. I couldn’t really think of much.

The awfulest thing is that I’d be laughed at. But the auditions were private, and the nun responsible for everything choir was known to be very nice. All I had to do was just not tell anyone I’m going to try out, and if it doesn’t work out, then no one would know.

Still, I wasn’t really a big fan of being turned down. Sure, I’ve been rejected many times, but that’s in the friendship/romance field. In other fields, however, I was used to being successful. The prospect of trying out for something I wanted and then not getting it is very unappealing, especially because I’d have commited and tried my hardest to make it work. I hate being a failure at anything – and I am at a LOT of things. That’s why I’m careful with what I set out to do.

However, there were so many positives. I could finally have a place where it’s considered completely normal to sing freely and openly. I’d become closer to Mini, somehow (I like getting closer to my friends way more than having friends-slash-acquaintances, it just boosts my well-being), and maybe even make some other friends who might share some interests. I’d have a sense of true commitment in my life. Most importantly, I’d belong to a community.

That’s why, the next day, I said that I’d give it a shot. Mini was thrilled.

The natural thing to do for me in such a situation was to start preparing as much as I could. I asked Mini what would come up in my audition and he told me that I’d be asked to sing a religious hymn of my choice, then some vocal exercices to see how far my voice reaches, and whether I could hit the right notes.

I practiced all of these continuously. I chose a hymn I was used to and sang it in all the possible tones. My sisters’ taunts were growing louder and meaner but I didn’t even care at that point. When I’m accepted in, they’ll feel stupid for saying my voice was a joke.

The thing is that, in the last few days, I started to believe that myself. I was growing more and more insecure by the hour.

On the audition day, when I woke up, I was in complete denial and disbelief. What the fuck is wrong with you? I asked myself. Since when are you a singer?! How do you get these genius ideas to get us embarrassed?! What the hell were you thinking? Forget it. We’re done.

I had actually convinced myself to just give up right then. So I texted Mini telling him that I changed my mind. But he replies ‘oh hell no I already spoke to the leader she booked you an audition time and all and I’ve told all the choir you’re auditioning today so see ya there’.

All the middle-finger emojis I sent him then couldn’t fix the fact that I was doomed, that it wasn’t my choice anymore and that I had to go and probably make a fool of myself. Rosary Choir… These people sang in the Vatican last year! How did I for one second think I’m a match for those standards?! Ugh.

To be completely honest, I was quite a bit thankful too. Not just afterwards, but before. I had to be thrown into things. Always. I’m much too indecisive to make up my mind about any mildly important decision, and I’m always relying on the extra push. It came from him. Even if I went and failed, at least I could give myself the satisfaction that I tried (same ego-boosting method I had employed each time I got turned away by a girl. Works pretty well.)

At 3:00 PM, I was at the choir room at school, so nervous I barely registered what was going on. The only other people there were two girls who looked like they’d been chorists for years (which it turned out they were). They were busy decorating for some event, but they still seemed to know that I’m the new guy who’s auditioning. I cursed Mini in my mind and soul. Later, two others came, sat at the piano, and started singing Ave Maria. I was in awe at how beautiful they sounded (I always had weak spot for that song), but I was also starting to feel suicidal.

After a while, the leader/nun I talked about earlier (let’s call her Sister M) finally arrived. My nervousness reached new peaks. She greeted me (she somehow knew my name), and asked me to begin our audition right away. I looked pitifully in her eyes and said something like ‘ohumlikenowomgyeahokay’
. The four girls left the room and wished me good luck. I’ll need loads of that, you bet, I told myself.

Sister M sat down at the piano and told me to stand in front of her with good and relaxed posture. I tried my best.
‘Have you ever been a part of a singing group?’ She asked me.
‘Um… No…’
‘Have you sang in public before?’
‘Not really…’
‘Do you have any experience in singing? Has anyone told you that you have a good voice?’

At that point, I pretty much wanted to make a run for it and sprint out of the doors. These questions confirmed all my worries. What was I doing here? I’m gonna get screwed.

Listen, guys, I’m sorry that all my posts lately have been divided and sequelized and all that. I’m also sorry if it’s annoying. But I can’t find another way to do this. I’ll try my best to get back to my usual posting style. Damn you, school.
Anyway, this time it won’t take long since it’s nearly finished, so I’ll post it either tonight or tomorrow. See you then!

Me and Music! A.k.a how the heck am I in choir now?! (How I made it to Choir – prologue)

So I’m in the school choir now.

If you had told me this exact thing about a few weeks ago, I’d have laughed. Like really hard.

Even last week, when I came across the recruiting posters in the hallways, I just gave them a long glance, sighed, and walked away.

I’ve always put people who can sing on a higher pedestal than me, nevermind all of my/their other capabilities. It’s like a raw talent, it can’t be bought or made (autotune excluded), you either have it or you don’t.

I love singing a lot, and music in general. I’m literally humming songs under my breath most of my waking hours. If no one’s around, I belt out whatever comes to mind.

There’s the thing: I sound like shit.

I really never considered my voice a good one. This theory has been further reenforced by my lovely sisters who laughed or shot me looks full of fake horror every time I tried to sing a few notes. Usually, when that happens, I try screwing up even more obviously, so that it seems I’ve been sounding bad on purpose.

And ever since Miranda Sings came into the scene, and I started imitating her on a regular basis, it was becoming so easy to pass my singing off as Miranda impressions if I just alter the pitch a little and deform my facial expressions at the right moment. Soon enough, I was singing every single song in Miranda-mode. It wasn’t just an act anymore. I did it even when I was alone. It’s unbelievably entertaining. I swear. Try it. (Except if you hate Miranda – *cough* asdeentelayoush *cough* – then obviously don’t try it or you’ll want to kill yourslef afterwards. Duh.)

Meanwhile, my real singing voice was getting forgotten. I never really used it, or had a reason to. My Miranda voice was getting perfected, I wasn’t being bothered by my sisters, and – well. There’s no and. I don’t have other reasons. Movin’ on.

Despite all that, I did know that I wasn’t completely useless at music. I had memorized hundreds of songs, and could sing all their lyrics and melodies. Sometimes, in the rare moments when I truly sang a song and appreciated it for what it’s worth, I did catch myself think ‘bet the stupid guys in my class couldn’t even do that. Their heads would break down.’ once, maybe twice, probably 50 times. I mean, really. I know most of it is just me desperately trying to give myself some self esteem, but I did think that I could probably sing better than him.

This ‘him’ is a completely random guy in my class. Anyone. Nobody in particular, for no particular reason – even though when I think of ‘him’ the mental picture is one particular guy. I don’t really have particularly much against him, he’s just a regular stupid guy, nothing particular about him, but I don’t know why it’s always him particularly. I imagine him trying to sing and I’m overcome with a particular feeling of satisfaction. I don’t know why I’m so particularly keen on using the word ‘particular’. Particularly in this particular paragraph. (Try saying that ten times fast)

I also had an ear for melodies. I had started playing piano by ear since about 8th grade. I would just take it out, hum the latest Lady Gaga song I had memorized and try to play it single-handedly on my old keyboard. It’s missing like 5 keys now, but meh.
I love the piano. One of my biggest regrets is that I stopped taking lessons when I was in 4th grade. Gosh I wish I could go back, but too late, I guess.

The point is that I get along with music pretty well.

I still haven’t tackled the choir subject. It’s getting really late and I have school in the morning. Oh well, I guess I’ll divide the intended post in two, now that I have talked about the background a bit, I’ll be able to talk about the whole story exclusively later (tomorrow, in twelve weeks, who knows).

No, just kidding. It’s gonna be soon. Not that you really care, but just sayin’.

Good Night! 🙂 [lol – this has always been my diary outro. I meant journal. Yeah, let’s call it that.]