iReview: Joanne – Lady Gaga

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Okay. Hi.

You know what I’ll just skip the ramblings to the end of this post, because 1) I’ll be boring off half of my potential readers and 2) I’m too lazy to even begin writing them tbh. Oh and 3) we have an emergency on our hands and it is that LADY FUCKING GAGA HAS JUST RELEASED HER FIRST POP ALBUM SINCE 2013, A DAY I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE WELL 2013. All the anticipation has built up to this point, and I can not be more ready. FUN FACT: last year in April, I opened my diary at a random page and marked it down, saying THIS is when I will hear LG5. That day was October 22nd. Ladies and gentlemen, I am a psychic. I honestly, HONESTLY still don’t believe this day has come.

HIT ME WITH ‘EM, GAGA.

In this post, I will be doing a track-by-track review/reaction to Lady Gaga’s newest studio album, Joanne, out October 21st. Its title references Gaga’s middle name, and her late aunt who passed away in 1974 because of lupus after she had been sexually assaulted. This is Gaga’s most stripped back, personal album yet, according to her.

So…

HEEEEERE WE GO! (yes yes I have heard A-YO already.)

iReview: Joanne – Lady Gaga

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1- Diamond Heart:

Let’s go omfg

Is this a piano?

YOUNG WILD AMERICAN ALREADY ICONIC

YYYYYAAAAAAAAASSSSSS GOGO’IN go back to those roots Gags

Asshole broke her in? Rape?..

THAT HOOK

IM SHOOK

YOUUUUUNG WIL AMERICAAAAAAAAAN I KNEW ITS ICONIC

Wait Diamond Heart isn’t about her engagement ring? Right…

Can we talk about her vocals? Where do you hear vocals like these on any female album these days. SH00K

YAAAASSSS BRIDGE

I always said I hate guitar+drums driven songs but this is FUCKING GOOD

Maybe because it’s Gaga and I’m biased but YES

Amazing way to start the album.

2- A-YO:

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa we go

Blow it ur face

Blow it in ur face

Blow it in ur blow it in ur face

This is so FUN. YES.

The beat sounds familiar but in the good way.

AYO AYO

WE SMOKIN EM ALL

A.k.a the Chainsmokers who had shit to say about her in the press. What’s good? She ended those rats. Anyway.

You can’t NOT dance to this song! My body is involuntarily shaking.

SLAYO SLAYOH

A

YO

AYO

This is a BOP.

3-Joanne:

Okay… I did not expect these ‘drumsies’.

Wait where is the piano? THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR

Why is this melody so… Uplifting? Her aunt just died.

Girl… Where do you think you’re goin’? (with this melody)

This sounds… Off. It’s a song about her aunt who died… It should feel sadder. It made people cry. Why am I not crying? I’M HERE TO CRY.

The chorus is really beautiful though, no question.

Alright, the more I listen to this song… I get it. The emotion is ‘implicit’. Her vocal delivery was done in one take according to her. I can feel her pain.

I need to give her a hug.

 

4- John Wayne:

BYE BYE HUG

HELLO JOHN WAYNE (btw notice how it sounds like ‘Joanne’ ‘John Wayne’ is this intentional?)

THAT SCREAMMM YASS MAMA

GO FASTER

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I DID NOT SEE THAT CHORUS COMING

OH NO OH NO

ITS HAPPENING

MY WEAVE IS BEING SNATCHED

EVERY FOLLICLE

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THE CHORUS AGAIN I STILL HAVENT RECOVERED FROM THE FIRST TIME

Hands down my favorite so far.

I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS BRIDGE

NO

UGHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS FEELS LIKE A MOVIE CLIMAX

I want to scream JOHN WAYNE with her but my parents are sleeping so

Please hire this producer for the entirety of the next album

5- Dancin’ In Circles:

WHAT

WHAT IS THIS

WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO HIT ME WITH THIS FAME MONSTER THROWBACK??a!?!??qSJHA

This feels like a Sia song. I LOVE A SIA SONG.

The prechorus! Amazing.

YES THE HOOK AGAIN

LET’S FUNK DOWNTOWN

Am I the only one who feels like these songs are going way too fast? Like I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO PROCESS THE SLAYAGE

Gaga thank you for this So Happy I Could Die 2.0 yes thanks yes

Vanish as I touch myself? THAT CUTESY VOICE FAMEGA IT IS REALLY YOU

OOOOOOHHHHH THE FUCKING HIGH NOTES AT THE END

SSSSSSHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

This is such a dancey song. I LIVE.

6- Perfect Illusion:

AND HERE COME THE GUITAR RIFFS

AAAAEEIINWWHHHH

One month later and this song is still amazing. Of course you’d know that if I fucking UPDATED MY BLOG THEN but oh well.

IT WASN’T LAAAAAAAAAAAAHV

IT WASN’T LAAAAAAAAAAAAHV

IT WAS A PERFECT ILLUSION

Like some people actually don’t like this.

HOW.

BE ASHAMED.

And now the part with the background vocals that slay the entire universe

IN A MODERN ECSTASY

Her vocals are just UGH. I remember when I heard this the first time when it was released and how amazed I was.

GAGA

IS

BACK.

AND HERE COMES THE KEYCHANGE OF THE CENTURYYYYYYYYYY

And my favorite part: *dumdumdumdumdum* IILLLUUSIOOOOOONNNN

Still slays. Ugh.

7-Million Reasons:

Another one I have already heard a lot, and memorized.

Can we just appreciate this stripped back Gaga? We all asked for it. She might not be here for long so enjoy ha while she lasts.

The emotion in her voice is breathtaking. And that chorus hits you like one of her 5 vintage cars.

The best thing about this song for me is how I can sing the background vocals with her. I love background vocals. I feel special when I sing them. No I cannot explain this.

STAAAAAAAAYAHAAAAAAAAAAAAYAAAAAAAHAAAAY

Breaks my heart to her her crying out like this. I’LL MEND UR BROKEN HEART MOM

Her voice…

Her fucking voice.

8- Sinners’ Prayer:

Lol sounds like Dangerous Woman is about to start

BUT THIS AINT NO DANGEROUS WOMAN

IT’S A DANGEROUSLY SLAYFUL BASSLINE

YES. I LIVE.

The vibe of this song is so captivating.

THE CHORUS. Can we just appreciate the chorus? WOW. It takes you on a ride in a few seconds. The melody changes from cheerful to somber back to hopeful then again to dark IN A MATTER OF SECONDS.

WOW

I am so impressed with this. And some people dismissed it as a ‘country song’.

Man, this album may just make me listen to country.

‘I can carry you but not your ghosts’. Tumblr here we come

YESSSS GO UP THAT OCTAVE

Goodasgoodasgoodasgoodasgoooooooooooooooooooooooooooold

Beautiful song.

And this BASSLINE AGAIN. YES.

9- Come To Mama:

Okay the title already has me shook.

YES BORN THIS WAY TEAS LYRICSWISE

Wait what jungle? Gags wyd

Gogogogggoround

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

COME TO MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

YES THE BACKGROUND VOCALS IN THE CHORUS

Comeontomammma

Commonmmaammmaaaa

Wow. WOW. The lyrics though!

She’s talking about a scientist vs. a believer… The scientist = uses prism in physics. The believer = he believes in Noah’s arc (not really though but okay). But both result in… Rainbows! YES GAGAAAAAAAAA

THIS SONG IS SO MARIAH CAREY

HOLIDAYSY

AND I LOVE IT

Wait 3 verses?

THE ONLY PRISONS THAT EXIST ARE ONES WE PUT EACH OTHER IN

TAKE THAT TUMBLR. QUOTE THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HER VOCALS

LOOK WHAT THAT RAINBOW DID

The ending. This IS Mariah Carey ugh YES

IM COMING MAMA

10- Hey Girl (featuring Florence Welsh):

3 SECONDS IN AND IM MOVING LIKE A CHARMED SNAKE

THIS BEAT. THIS BEAAAAAAAT

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

FLORENCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

HER VOCALS ARE AMAZING AS ALWAYS

FIT SO BEAUTIFULLY WITH THIS SONG I CANT IM SHOOK SO SHOOK YESSS SHOOK

Their voices go so well together!

AND THIS FUCKING MELODY IT PUTS ME IN A TRANCE WOW JUST WOW I CANT STOP SWAYING

Personal thank you to Florence who probably is responsible for the amazing harps in this.

Does anyone notice the amazing strange synths in the background?!

Yep in the second chorus they are more than noticeable.

ARE THEY SINGING TOGETHER?!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

OH MY GOD FLORENCE’S BACKGROUND VOCALS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD SHE SOUNDS OTHERWORDLY

This fucking song. The melody. The production. The message. The two FUCKING BADASSES SINGING IT.

THE BACKGROUND FORENCE OH’S ONCE AGAIN AHHHH

Iconic.

11- Angel Down:

And here come the emotions. This is about Trayvon Martin.

Yep. The intro alone is amazing.

WOW HER VOICE. IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE’S WHISPERING MY EAR.

I need a moment. I’m in awe.

Okay. Who produced this? I love you.

The lyrics are so touching. With that production, man I feel like going on a midnight walk and crying.

The chorus is unexpected. The sounds are angelic. This is not your regular ballad. This is much more.

GAGA GOES LANA. I’M SO HERE FOR IT. OOOHOOOHOOOO

OHHH ‘CHAOS’! CHAOS ANGEL! THESE WERE NOT RUMORS! OMG

Wow. What just happened?

The outro… it’s like a broken music box… I love this so fucking much.

WHOW THERE IT JUST ENDED SO ABRUPTLY.

Is it like a metaphor to sudden death?

Oh Joanne…

12- Grigio Girls:

This is the song about her best friend Sonja having cancer… here it goes.

Wait she’s that much older? 12 years? She looks much younger…

Okay… I kind of expected a bigger chorus…

The production sounds like it’s struggling to pick up. A shame. The lyrics are beautiful.

Watch your blues turn gold…

Make it all make sense…

Yep here are the feels.

AWWWWWWW SHE IS SO CUTE IN THAT BRIDGE

YAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS THE SQUAD IS HEREEEEEEEEEE

Why do they sound like they have swallowed helium?

Lol of course Gaga had to outsing them all.

SQUAD GOALZZZZZZZ

Okay there’s a laugh at the end that is just creepy as fuck.

13- Just Another Day:

Yes this is the one I heard her sing live on the radio!

BACK TO HER RED AND BLUE ROOTS AND I’M SO SURPRISED I LOVE IT SO MUCH! YES!

This song is just so cute oh my god!

And after all… it’s just another day!

Okay tho but is that like a sax, a guitar, a synth, a dying cockroach…

YESSSSSSS BRIAN’S TRUMPETS SOUND SO GREAT

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH YAS GAGA VOCALS MAMA

I can just imagine her smiling and singing this in her studio. She’s happy. I’m happy.

14- Angel Down (Work Tape):

Oh, a more stripped down piano/guitar version. I like that! I wish there was one for Joanne.

I confess I like the original better, the production really adds to it.

BUT.

VO

FUCKING

CALS.

SHE SOUNDS LITERALLY LIKE THE MOTHER OF ANGELS CRYING OUT FOR HER ANGELS.

When did she record this? She sounds different than how she did the rest of the album… so RAW. So PASSIONATE.

THOSE SCREAMS. I’d rather save an angel down.

And… it’s over.

_

Wow.

This was what I call a fucking EXPEDITION.

The opening track couldn’t have set the tone better.

The title track felt anticlimactic at first, but it gets catchier, deeper and more meaningful with each listen.

Then it’s a string off amazing fun bops to dance to before Gaga hits us with the more ‘serious’ stuff.

The world is full of deceptions, things you never knew would turn out to just be illusions.

The world is full of people who will drive you insane, but who you can’t get away from.

The world is full of hatred and ignorance, humans who are destroying each other and themselves over their clash of ideas.

The world is full of women who are willing to step on each other to reach their wants, in a world still ruled by men, instead of helping each other up.

The world is full of innocent people who are dying every single day because of political agendas and inequality.

And we all just stand around.

This album was something I’ve been waiting to hear for eternity. And I’m finally blessed to do so. I’d never have expected something so powerful and deep from Gaga. She outdid herself, she surprised me and many, many others. It’s truly one of the highlights of her career. She has worked so hard to get here, and seeing her finally make the music SHE wants to make, is more than what I could ever ask for.

I’m in love with this music. Thank you, Gaga. Keep doing what you do.

Joanne is extremely proud of you.

Score: 9.5/10

_________________________________________________________________

Okay, so time for the promised ramblings. I have been beating myself up for not updating my blog for the past few months. The longer it went, the more urgent a ‘comeback’ felt, and the more hard it seemed to be to make. I couldn’t just turn up out of the blue uninvited and I couldn’t stay away like I never said goodbye (yes I know these are not the right lyrics but it had to fit the situation I’m talking about okay?). It had to be something BIG. HUGE. AND LET’S BE HONEST. IT DOESN’T GET HUGER THAN THIS.

I’m truly feeling bad about abandoning this blog with no notice like that. I want to write a second post explaining everything but I just *know* I’ll slack off and not do it. So I’ll try to put it all in here. After I quit my summer job, I spent one AMAZING month, and I was preparing for Blogwarts. Then I got caught up in it, and school started, my FINAL YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL BEFORE COLLEGE ASDFGHJKL SO YEAH I’m overswamped with work, and that’s apart from extracurricular things like piano lessons and choir practice. Random thought, I really need to start working out tbh, I can’t keep feeling depressed every time I see a naked torso. So yeah.

I WANT TO BE BACK HERE SO BAD I MISS YOU ALL SO FUCKING MUCH. But I’m even slacking off my school work, what about this blog lololololol

Maybe I’ll start slacking off my school work with this blog? I HOPE SO! At least that’d be productive.

Okay, Goodnight! I have to listen to Mariah Carey’s earlier stuff, man where have I been she slayz. BuhByE

I’m Sick (ft. Other Updates)

God I missed writing here.

Hey! 😀 how is everyone?
I’m feeling a bit blue, so I thought I’d talk on here.
I have definitely talked about this before. I will say it again.
The sadism in my school is unreal. UN. REAL.
They gave us an exam schedule for a non-exam. There is no motive. They just did. Gave us 11 tests to prepare for over the weekend.
And I officially cracked.
I had done my physics test on friday. I didn’t do well at all. I gave it all I had, and I still fell flat. I have no idea why this has been happening to me, but God, does it make me feel awful about my future.
Another subject I have discussed countlessly on here, so I won’t get deep into it, but I’m still as lost as ever when it comes to what I want to study/become later. The time to choose is looming closer and closer, and I’m just feeling more and more clueless. Doing bad on unexpected tests, doing surprisingly good in others, feeling like I want to just leave school for good – my mind is at war with itself. Nobody’s winning.
Yesterday, in church, I teared up. I felt hopeless. What was I doing? Where was I going? I had NO idea. And I kept on living my life just the way it is, not bothering to change anything up. Because I’m too much of a coward.
Anyway, I went to sleep last night, fully knowing that I’ll never be able to finish studying the next day.
I was not sure if I was sleeping or not. Ever experience that state of extremely uncomfortable half-asleep-half-awake-half-dreaming state? It was awful. I started hallucinating about trigonometry equations for some reason.
At 1:38 A.M, I woke up alarmed. My stomach was feeling weird.
Next thing you know, I was in the bathroom, throwing up, crying, clunching my stomach and my burning throat. I don’t need to go into much more detail because we all know it’s best to leave them aside. But it happened again an hour later, and I had no power to do anything but just stand there, looking at the pathetic mess facing me in the mirror.
Luckily, in a way, I wasn’tvexactly silent during the whole process, and while all I got from my sister was disgusted grunts telling me to stop, my dad got up and took care of me. He made me mint tea, and fed it to me spoonful by spoonful. I was scared I’d throw up again but I didn’t think anything was still down there.
I went to bed after that, already dreading what would happen when I finally wake up.
5:43 A.M. I wake up. No anomaly in sight. Usual routine of checking Gagadaily for news.
And oh boy what news I had!
BAYONSE THE QUEEN FINALLY GRACED US BY RELEASING HER 6TH STUDIO ALBUM, TITLED

LEMONADE.

I know. It sounded very weird to me at first. But who cares about the title? (Which actually eventually makes sense) FINALLY A NEW RELEASE. An appetizer while waiting for LG5.
Not only did Bey deliver 12 new tracks, it was a visual album. It was accompanied by an hour-long short film featuring all the songs in some sort of epic music video.
I have ALWAYS dreamed of something like this happening, but I always thought it was like a myth. Not something that would ACTUALLY happen!
Because of my tests, my conscience did not agree for me to listen to the album. NO kind of fun until that darn hell is over. It’ll be my congratulatory treat.
Well… About those exams.
I didn’t do them.
*GASP*
*GASP*
Well I may be the only one gasping but it’s the first time I’ve missed major exams ever so it’s normal I feel so rebellious about it.
After the incident Saturday/Sunday night, I woke up and I felt broken. Like literally, my body was in pieces. It pained me to move, and I couldn’t eat anything. I was very dehydrated, obviously, but I still was scared to drink too much. My head hurt like hell. There was no way I could study anything in that state.
So I just laid in bed, all day. Not studying anything. And do you know how stressful it is to sit there not studying when you’re not even sure whether you’ll do the tests or not? But I just did not have the power to study, so it wasn’t much of a choice of mine.
At that point, it was pretty clear that there was NOT going to be tests for me tomorrow. If I went, I’d flop HARD. On the one hand, the subjects were important (maths, chemistry) and I had a high grade in them so their cancelation would decrease the final one. But on the other, much heavier hand, if I did do the tests, I could get grades so low they’d decrease the final one a LOT. I had no choice.
I didn’t tell my friends right away, because I didn’t want it to feel like an IN YO FACE BISHES while they were studying their asses off. But when I did, they were very supprotive. Well except for my best friend who’s never supportive but that’s his thing so liek
The harder part was going to be convincing my parents to let me miss my exams. They are the hardest people to persuade, especially when it comes to missing school. Jesus.
They’re not even like NO U CANT STAi HOME U LIL BITCH, they’re like um hunty ain’t nuthn wrong with u like y do u even wanna stay it’s pointless ur argument is pointless bai
Um… DO YOU NOT SEE ME DYING HERE?
“But you’ll be fiiiiine tomorrowwww go do the teeeest”
But I haven’t even studied!
“You’ve been studying for like… 2 days! Why would you need more?”
BECAUSE I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT MY GRADES AND FUTURE AND COLLEGE AND DON’T WANT TO MAKE YOU SPEND FORTUNES ON ME?!
“Lol fine wutvr stay”
And that’s how I stayed.
The day was pretty sweet. The rebellious feeling inside me was almost too much, I felt like jumping off the roof screaming I’M HOME DURING MY TEST! or just doing ANYTHING that would get people to know that I skipped school. Like it wasn’t even some crazy act! I was sick for God’s sakes!
Later during the day, mom came home. She wasn’t happy. At all.
“They called me up from school. Asking for yo ass. Bitch what was I supposed to tell em? I aint no lyin hoe.” (I don’t know in what world my parents have a ghetto accent but I like it and will keep it)
“How about you just tell them I’m sick, considering I AM!”
“Bitch stfu I did but they was all like hunty we aint buyin yo shit we nees to see the receipts or yo son aint doin no more tests”
“Works for me!”
“Aw really? Damn well. Get a 0 and fail dem exams, who needs to pai 4 ur tuition anyway”
(Okay this is getting old)
So yeah, turns out I needed to present a doctor’s report so that they count me absent and not give me a zero.
I lost my shit at first and was all worried but mom fixed me up and got me my report. It was valid for two days, but I still wanted to go do my exams the next day because if I didn’t my grade would drop a lot (because those tests held my grade high and I needed them especially after the awful physics test).
And so I went. I started my biology test feeling confident that I wanted to ace this. But when I saw it, I almost passed out because the questions made no sense to me. I started panicking, I got tensed up, my brain could not process anything, and my stomach kicked in. I couldn’t do it. I got a permission to go see the headmistress/nun to whom I had presented my report earlier in the morning.
Luckily, she remembered me. She also knows me because as a class president I have to speak to her in case we have a request or want to talk about something. Plus, she knows I have the highest grades in my class. In short, she knew I was a serious student.
She immediately offered to call my mom and ask her to come and take me home. I kindly disagreed, told her I needed to do the other tests for my grades, and she was sort of amused at how she was the one telling me to go home and rest and I was the one insisting on staying. She ended up calling my mom to ask her what I should eat and take as medicine. I bought some cupcakes from a store close to the school and the nurse gave me a pill for my stomach. I spent the time studying for my next test which was this subject I still have no idea what it’s called in English so I’ll just use the unconvincing Google translation which is ‘public spirit’ (but mostly deals with politics and how the government works and such). I took that test and did very well in it.
I finished, got out if the classroom and found mom waiting for me near the principal’s office.
“Hoe who even told u 2 come liek who invited dis bitch”
(Sorry mom. I’m doing it for the blog.)
Turns out she had free time and came to check up on me.
I still had Philosophy and English. The latter was the one I most insisted to take because it was my best subject.
But suddenly I thought of something. I ran to my English teacher and asked her if she’d put my project/oral test’s grade as my final grade, and she agreed, and I was thrilled because I had a very high grade.
After I got all my businesses sorted out, I could leave with a clear conscience. So I went to the principal and thanked her for everything, checked up on my friends who were like totally not jealous, and left.
And that’s how I ended up doing 4 out of my 11 tests for this semester. #NotEvenSorry.

The tests were over, and you know what that meant… LEMONADE TIME!
I finally listened to that album after all these years months weeks days. And may I just say, WOW. That was such a beautiful piece of work. Everything felt connected, poignant, alive, fierce, powerful, Beyonce. Special mention goes out to Jay Z whose repulsing and rat bastardy attitude inspired this album. May he never heal from all the Bey-stings he received.
And do NOT get me started on that short film… Just… Jesus. It was like all my dreams coming true. I actually want to review it soon in a later post but hopefully this ‘soon’ won’t be a Gaga ‘soon’. For those of you non-popculturehoes, that means it will probably never come.

Wednesday was okay. I got my physics grade. 14/20. Bad. Not terrible, but very bad. For me. I gave the teacher such dirty looks that I felt he almost wondered if he should hire a security guard for the night.
It was the last day of school for our seniors, and they had a big party, like every year. Music, water fights, they even got colored powder and trashed the whole gym with it, throwing it around at themselves and making a huge mess with water.
I felt uneasy. We had one year left. One year. As much as I hate school’s guts, I really don’t want it to end. Even now, these moments feel priceless. I can’t believe how much I’ll miss it when it’s finally over.
Anyway, I was glad to go home that day because it’s the beginning of the second short Easter break (for the orthodox I think). Today was the first day, there are 5 left. I spent it helping mom prepare for my sister’s birthday party tomorrow (while her actual birthday was two weeks ago), baking (and failing) dozens of cupcake recipes and making crafty stuff with crepe paper.

This has officially become the longest, most boring and useless post I ever posted and I wonder if anyone managed to read through it. I’m convinced no one will, heck, even I don’t have the energy to reread this.

Wow. Good job Anthony. Such good blogging quality you’re delivering.

Oh well, no matter, I wanted to write because it’s been a while and I’m glad I did. Hope you guys have wonderful weekends and if you celebrate Easter this week, Happy Easter!

GUYS I AM ON LIVE TV NOW WATCH MEH

WOOOOHOOOOO

Well not me. My choir!
Remember my concert last November? (You probably don’t because like 3 people read that post) Anyway it’s airing NOW! Yaaaaayyyy

I am so proud of us gash we are FAB.

PLEASE watch us following this link: http://noursat.tv/en/live.php
And then tell me what you thought! I know this must be exotic to you because 1) it’s religious hymns for Saint Marie Alphonsine and 2) it’s in Arabic which I assume is unknown by a lot of you, so you’re discovering something new WHILE listening to our angelic voices!! #ShamelessSelfPromoBitch

Really, if you could tune in, even for just a minute, and tell me what you think, I’d really really appreciate it. It was my first ever concert and I’m thrilled!

Here’s the link for the live stream (it’s really un-HD and subsequently non-bandwidth-destorying) again in case you missed it (also in case you hadn’t caught my desperation you definitely did right now) http://noursat.tv/en/live.php

I AM SO EXCITED YAS ESPECIALLY FOR THE LAST FEW SONGS OF THE SET THESE ARE THE BEST

BYEEE

PS: I am NOT the bald old guy no just NO lol I’m with the choir. Just in case someone thinks otherwise.

OKAY it’s over now. That was good! We all (choralistans) watched it together and remembered all the little incidents and mishaps :p I felt proud of us. Now let’s study!

The time I almost cried – but I’m glad I didn’t.

I’m supposed to be on a break but I decided that I don’t care and I miss writing anyway.

As some of you might know (why do I start all my posts in subtly assuming that you already are up to date with everything going on in my life? That is so not cool me stop doing it), I started taking piano lessons last week, after years of wanting to. I still don’t why I just decided to do it.

Anyway, last week it was pretty fine, I did some preparatory exercices and I managed to not make too many mistakes. It was simple stuff and seeing as I am not completely new in piano (having taken some lessons many years ago aside from knowing how to play song melodies by ear) I did well.

This week though.

We started with the thing that was the reason I wanted to learn in the first place. The thing that always mind boggled me and made me feel like I could never achieve it.

Polyphony.

Okay I’m kinda laughing at my stupidty now because the way I just said ‘Polyphony.’; it’s like I just revealed the world’s deepest secrets, or the plot twist to a hugely engaging crime novel. Ugh, movin’ on.

Anyway, what I mean by that is that I never knew how to play with my two hands and I always wanted to know how, but I also thought it’s way too complicated and I’d never be able to do it.

Turns out I wasn’t wrong at all. The most accurate way I can descrive how I played would be ‘Neville Longbottom’. Pre-adolescent version, of course.

I just couldn’t understand any of the notes. My fingers went drunk and hit the keys whenever they felt like it, and my hands were unnecessarily shaky. I kept making mistakes and trying again.

My teacher said ‘it was not bad for a first time’ but I was too old for that shit. I know that’s what you say to a little kid when you don’t have the heart to tell him he sucks.
She told me try again, and I did. And that’s where the tears started coming.

I felt desperate and disgusted with myself. I felt useless, like I’m a worthless piece of shit who doesn’t know how to read the simplest of music lines while on top of it all, the kid in the next room was playing perfectly. I was a total looser at that point, and I just wanted to stop and never speak of it again.

Luckily, that moment passed quickly. I was actually amazed at how fast I got so emotional and apalled and a minute later it was all back to normal.

Well, I knew I wasn’t going to succeed on the first try. I didn’t know I’d suck that bad, but I expected myself not to get it from the first go.

I had to promise myself on the spot that whatever happens, I was still going to keep trying until I have no choice but to quit. I wasn’t going to give up so easily on something I wanted for so long without trying my best for it first.

The lesson ended a while after that and my teacher told me to prepare those exercices for next week as homework along with some ridiculously easy theory exercices which made me wonder how awful and helpless she really thought I was.

After that, I went to my friend’s house to study (and I discovered that I am even more unprepared for the exams than I thought) then to choir (oh my God, guys. If only you could hear us. Ugh, I love this so much). Oh also I almost died in a car accident but then I didn’t. Phew. So yeah, it wasn’t until after I got back that I thought about piano again.

I tried to do the exercices again. It was still a fiasco.

I gave up and decided to go eat instead. I talked to some friends, complaining and nagging about how I almost cried and how difficult piano was and how I was a total loser and all that (am I really that annoying?). As I was talking to a certain blogger you probably all know (and call her Elm or something…), I had a thought. One of those deeply narcissitic but self-esteem boosting thoughts I frequently have.

‘Hey. You are you. You! You’re good at pretty much everything you set your mind to. If other people can do it, there’s absolutely no reason for you not to. Come on. You’ll make it. I know you will, because you are you.

I have no idea how self centered someone has to be to think like that, much less to actually believe himself.

Either way, it worked and it motivated me to go online and look for people with the same problem, as I always do when I have any problem. I don’t why, is it to find a solution? Or simply to just have someone you can relate to?

I suprisingly found a lot of people with my case: by-ear players who want to transition into learning properly and are having a hard time playing with both hands.

A lot of people suggested this method: practicing each hand alone, slowly, then fastly, then trying each measure by its own with two hands, taking it as slowly as we need until we are capable of playing the whole thing.

I didn’t really give that much thought and ignored it. Like fine, a method. Any real advice?

But then, as I once again found myself in front of the piano instead of studying, I decided to just try to follow the procedure.

(I feel like I have already detailed way too much stuff so meh I’ll just say it) IT FUCKING WORKED!

It took me more than an hour but I finally could play my two handed exercices okayishly, and on top of that I learned a song and it also worked which was SO awesome. The tune is so simple but hearing myself hitting those two notes at once without panicking and producing the right sound felt so fulfilling.

It filled me with hope. Hope that I’ll keep getting better and better as I practice more and more. Hope that I won’t have to quit when it gets too hard because I’ll work even harder and achieve what I want. Hope that one day I’ll be able to look back on this and say that this is where I started, and look where I am now.

It’s true that I spent the whole evening on the piano, not studying a word from the heap of lessons I still haven’t touched, but I don’t feel like it went to waste.

I am proud of myself, and I hope all of you get to say the same thing about yourselves; if not today, then tomorrow. Because we all have some things to be proud of, and by acknowledging these things, we let ourselves thrive and make these things even better.

Making my wish come true!

Today, I went to a music school and signed up for piano lessons.
It was not my first time having a shot at learning the instrument: I had taken some lessons for about 2 months in Grade 4 [STOP RIGHT THERE: I just went to search for my old piano book. After finding it and going through the pages I found out that it was more like 6 months. HOW THE FUCK COULD I HAVE SPENT 6 MONTHS LEARNING THE PIANO AND I BARELY REMEMBER ANYTHING?! I just tried playing some of the basic things in there and I suck so much.]
Well that was like 8 years ago. Wow.
Anyway, I don’t really remember if I started taking lessons back then for any purpose beside having an activity. I don’t think there was, because I became uninterested after a few months and just quit, never giving it much more thought.
In Grade 8, about 3-4 years ago, however, I decided to turn on my keyboard. It had been sitting in my room since fourth grade, just being there. It was back when I really stated to listen to music, especially Lady Gaga, and that’s when I became a huge fan of hers. So I was taking in all these awesome songs. I guess I just needed to regurgitate them.
That’s how I discovered how to play song tunes by ear.
Yep, I just went to that keyboard, tried all the different combinaisons there was until I hit the right note, and memorized the sequence.
I became truly amazed by how every melody could be played using this simple instrument. I even remember that I once started staring at my piano and thinking ‘Omg. All of the world’s songs that have ever been written and that will ever be written are inside this thing. HOW?!’
Well, soon, I found out that it wasn’t really a ‘simple’ instrument. There were tunes I just couldn’t get, which was frustrating. Also, I could only play stuff I had memorized, usually with lots of errors, and I had NO idea how people could play with two hands at once. Or even one hand, keeping every finger on a note. No matter how hard I tried, my hands could not be tamed!
I wished I had continued piano.
I literally spent years seeing people play and being jealous, getting a tinge of longing every time I saw a piano, desperately trying to make myself play better. I have no idea just WHY I didn’t just start taking piano again!
Looking back at it now, I honestly can not explain why I didn’t go back to piano. I clearly wanted it. What was wrong with me?!
But now things have changed. Yes, I can proudly say that I have finally decided that I want to learn piano. I need to be taught, because if I don’t, I’ll always feel this bitterness, I’ll always regret not doing it.
Better late than never!
What pushed me to sign up was my friend Mini. Yes, the same Mini I talked about about four months ago, when I posted about how I joined the school choir. It’s not a coincidence; Mini just loves music and wants people to love it too. I mean that’s what I deduced, you know, after he convinced me of doing both of these thimgs.
Joining the choir remains one of the best decisions I made last year, and that’s all thanks to him. So I really, really hope that the same scenario will repeat itself and that a few months from now, I’ll look back and be even more grateful for him.
So here’s to piano! To music! To new experiences! To friendship! To cheesy toasts! To doing well on my physics test after being convinced I wouldn’t!
Goodnight!

Sunshine Blogger Award!!

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I haven’t done one of these in a while!

Ugh… So many books to read, so many albums to listen to, so many movies to watch… But all I do is SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL. Fuck school.

Oh wait… Is this the Sunshine Blogger Award? Woops. Such a delicate ray of sunshine I’m being. Excusez-moi.

I have been nominated by ateenagediaryonline and Keira for this award a looooongg time ago. Sorry guys. Better late than never? 😁 seriously check their blogs out because they’re some of the sweetest people on here.

So let’s get to it:

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The rules are:

Thank the person who nominated you, simple 🙂

Answer the questions from your nominators

Nominate 11 other bloggers and give them 11 new questions to answer

ATeenageDiaryOnline’s Questions (we should really get you a nickname)

Have you been watching the rugby world cup? 

Trololololo no.

Who are you supporting?

I thought I said no

What is your favorite thing about autumn?

SCHOOL HAHAHAHAHAHA FUNNY 

I guess it’s the amount of albums and movies and books that drop during this time of year (BUT I CAN’T ENJOY THEM BECAUSE SCHOOL HAHAHAHAHA FML)

What is your favorite food?

When I was little, it was always pizza. Then I had a bad pizza once and turned to hamburgers. Now I don’t really have a favorite, I love everything, but burgers have a special place in my heart. And fat.

Have you heard 5 Seconds Of Summer’s new album?

Nah. I just can’t like them. ‘She’s Kinda ahot’ makes me cringe, and that’s just the title. 

Mustard or ketchup or both?

Depends, usually ketchup, sometimes both. (Nah really it’s just ketchup)

Pizza or burgers?

You just asked me that!! Burgezzz

Apple or Windows?

Windows all the way. Ah the memories.

Did you know you can change your colour on your blogs writting?

I did know, but I don’t know how!! How?!?!

New Zealand or South Africa?

Well that’s random… I don’t know much about these countries. In which am I least likely to meet attractive teenagers that make hate myself and shrivel up and cry?

Are you dressing up for Halloween? What are you going as?

Omfg you had nominated me before Halloween? I’m such a bad blogger.

We don’t celebrate Halloween, however we do celebrate St. Barabara’s which is like our version of Halloween. I don’t think I’ll dress up, though I wish I could be Harry.

What are you going to get your best friend for christmas?

Hmmmmm… There’s a chance they’ll read this (though doubt it because we have about 12 exams this week) so I’ll keep it to myself 🙂

Rogan’s Questions:

What book would you recommend to a seven year old with a high reading ability?

Ironically, Matilda. I know, I know, she had a high reading ability herself and whatever but really, if a kid like her read the book they’ll feel special. It’s also a really sweet story. (once you take out the mom, the dad, the headmistress, you know)

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Hairbrush or comb?

What’s the difference? 😅

Would you rather be the lawyer for someone who murdered someone or who participated in child trafficking?

I’d rather not be a lawyer thank you very much. If I had to chose, I guess it’s the first, because there are a billion ways this could have happened. Child trafficking, on the other hand, is just atrocious in any way you put it. 

On a lighter note, what is your favourite season?

Ugh, I’m like your mom. Don’t do favs. Every season has something I love and something I hate. I guess spring has the least stuff I hate so I’ll go with that. 

Duvet or blanket?

What’s a duvet? It sounds warm and fluffy so I’ll go with that. 

Painting of sketching?

I’m horrible at both, but painting is so fun. And squetshy.

Be able to write a poem or be able to write a book?

A BOOK! GOD I WISH.

Would you rather have the ability to read and comprehend any classic you want, easily, or the ability to stop time whilst reading a classic (NOTE: THIS POWER ONLY APPLIES TO THE READING OF CLASSICS)?

Understand classics! That’d be so useful omg.

Non-fiction or Short Story collection?

Hmm… Non fiction just doesn’t click with me (except if it’s like humor). So short stories.

Black or white?

White.

What Hogwarts house would you be in according to your own opinion of yourself?

Ravenclawzz

Kayyy now my turn to qwetshen you:

1. How do you feel about ISIS’ cute little plan for a worldwide day of terror?

2. What do you think of Adele’s HELLO FROM THE OTHER SIIIIIIIIIDE
3. If you could have any book in the world for free, whether it exists or not, what would you take? (I’m practically giving you a free book. Any book. For free. What’s better than that?)
4. Can you show us your favorite shoe?

5. If you saw someone burning a Harry Potter book, with what weapon would you kill them?

6. What musical instrument would you eradicate if you could?

7. Who’s the pop star you feel like you hate the least?

8. What book would you want to turn into a TV Show?

9. What book would you want your grandma to read when she was your age?

10. Look down, right now, without moving, and type 5 things you see.

11. Bloggers’ Whatsapp Chat Group: Yay or Nay?

Gosh I love coming up with these questions. 

I also want everyone to answer that last question in the comments. I’d LOVE it if we had a chat group just for us.

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I’ll nominate these following people according to who pops up first, but please feel free to participate and answer the questions (whether on your blog or in the comments or on Merlin’s left- Don’t speak like that to your mother! Waddup HP reference! Waddup iiSuperwomanii waddup reference reference! Waddup okstopit).

LyfWithEm http://lyfwithem.com/ 

Laura https://lalasbookreviews.wordpress.com/

Elm http://justelm.wordpress.com/

Lora http://lifeasateenageailurophile.wordpress.com/

Emily https://itsemiwee.wordpress.com/

DashOfElixir https://sumaiyaazom.wordpress.com/

Vivy Potter https://thesassyreader.wordpress.com/

The Average Gurl https://theaveragegurl.wordpress.com/

Wide-eyed http://justmostgirls.wordpress.com/

My Personal Teen Life http://mypersonalteenlife.wordpress.com/

Shivani. http://shivani13.wordpress.com/

Calliopethebookgoddess https://calliopethebookgoddess.wordpress.com/

KT http://theawkwardteenblog.wordpress.com/ (oh look at that we’re both awkward)

Alex Smithson https://asterisk15.wordpress.com/

Infinity Blogs http://infinityblogsxoxo.wordpress.com/

My teenage madness http://myteenagemadness.wordpress.com/

instantblonde https://instantblonde.wordpress.com/

Aughvoighh 

MY VERY FIRST CONCERT!

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Guys… I have no words.
I’m so happy and overwhelmed.
As some of you might know, at the beginning of the school year and through a series of miracles I ended up being in the school choir.
I had told you how I got in, but I still haven’t told you the impact it had on my life. It has become my escape. A place free of all the bullshit we go through, free of all the horrible, judgemental people, free of all worries and trouble… Just music, and singing, and amazing people with beautiful souls – and voices.
Hearing us sing together is mesmerizing. It’s truly angelic. I have grown to anticipate choir lessons above all else during the week.
Our choir leader, the members, even I was surprised at how quickly I caught on. Not that my voice underwent a transformation, but I was doing very well for someone who had just started singing in a choir for the first time in his life. I learned all the songs and practiced every day. Never did I think I’d grow that fond of religious hymns but nowadays they’re all I sing and constantly on the tip of my tongue.

ANYWAY, fast forward to this evening. The previous three months have been leading up to this big night, as it would be the album release concert for a CD dedicated to the newly-announced Saint Marie Alphonsine, who happens to be the founder of our school’s sisterhood.
Even though I had joined halfway through these three months, I was allowed to participate in the concert, and I was absolutely thrilled.
I wasn’t really nervous to be quite honest. The year before, I had participated in a poetic night, during which I said a poem that I wrote in front of an audience (at the same stage where the concert would happen; which is our school’s. It is very grandiose with over 300 seats). At that time I was solo, with a spotlight and all, so naturally this time being with about 40 others and an orchestra I would feel quite comfortable.

So, yesterday afternoon, after drinking a good cuppa tea and honey, I put on my little chorist uniform (which you might mistake as a hotel clerk’s or a waiter at a high profile restaurant’s outfit), had a hair stylist give me a classic groovy look (I mean come on, I gotta look the part), and headed to school. They had put up tall banners with the famous Marie Alphonsine painting plastered on them.

I went backstage, and there we were all, similarly dressed in black, white and blue. We looked adorbz.

We went on stage to take our places, and I took in the enormity of it all. The roses, the lights, the orchestra (I was literally starstruck by the instruments. That contrebass! ヾ(*´∀`*)ノ ), heck, the event was going to be filmed for TV! I was excited, and frankly thankful that I had fixed my hair before coming.

The curtains were closed while the theater was being filled with people. I started to feel the weight of what I was going in for. The moment came. The national anthem started playing, while the curtains slowly unfurled and the crowd, the lights, the cameras, the flashes, everything together hit me so suddenly and I took in all of it.

The lights dimmed, the conductor appeared, the instruments started playing.

Wait, what were the words again?

What are the notes to this song?

Am I even singing? What am I doing here?

All these thoughts emerged and flooded my brain and spirit during the interval between the instrumental intro and the solo. It was our cue after that. We had to sing. And I had forgotten how to open my mouth.

Well, I thought I did. Because once the moment came, it came so naturally I thought a spirit had inhabited me and started moving my mouth and vocal chords for me. It happened in a snap, and the next moment I had regained control over the whole situation. My face unclenched, my lips curled into a smile of relief while still singing ‘On Your Ways Oh Jesus’ just as I had done many, many times before, and my gaze turned as soft and dramatic as can be, staring up to the bright golden lights as if I was looking into Marie’s eyes, singing to her, because this was still a performance and I was fully commited. Plus, I really felt it. It was Serenety, Love, Peace (which happens to be the title of another song we performed, and honestly I am surprised at how well these words describe what we sang because they came to my mind so naturally I forgot they were actually a song’s title. These were not random meaningless lyrics someone came up with just for the sake of it.)

The best were, of course, the Four Voices songs, which interestingly happened to be 4. ‘Wafts of Aromas and Melodies’, ‘Rose of Al-Kuds’, ‘Alphonsine’s Home’, and ‘Turn Your Loving Gaze To Me’ (I hope I have done these titles justice in translating them from Arabic; the last one wasn’t too hard because we actually sing it in four languages including English).
These songs were really pure genius. I have no idea how someone comes up with these melodies, but oh my god! It’s unearthly! I wish I could show you a clip, because it was really, really beautiful.

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There was only one downside, and I’m saying this just to get my feet back on the ground a little.
Oh wow. I honestly did not mean to use that previous expression on purpose at all, because ironically the problem I’m talking about was feet-related. It’s just the fact that I had to stand completely still for two hours, holding the song book by one arm, while my body was still stiff and aching from the workout session a day before. That’s excluding the two other hours standing just like that during the repetition. Plus, I was wearing the world’s most feet-squishing shoes, which made my toes go numb so I had to basically tap dance to reestablish circulation through them while still maintaing good posture in my upper body because I was still being filmed. I also kept moving back and forth because I was afraid I was going to fall off, and at some point I was positive I was going to faint and/or vomit. These were some of the most secretly awkward moments of my life, but compared to everything else that happened that night it’s really not relevant.

After the concert was finished to great applause, the curtains closed once more. Everyone made a loud sigh of relief as we collapsed on stage, rubbing our legs and stretching our shoulders. It obviously wasn’t just me, even though I think I was the only one to whom this was their first ever concert.

On the way out, we were all given a gift box, which contained dinner (two sandwiches, a brownie and juice). These were frankly some of the best sandwiches I’ve ever eaten. It’s quite probably because I felt these were rewards for our hard work. It’s the same as when you read a book you saved up and paid for yourslef.

In the – what do they call it – the pre-theater-place-where-people-meet-and-talk-and-there’s-sometimes-a-buffet-with-delicious-pastry room, I (and of course every memberbof the choir) received congratulations from guests and spectators. Our Headmistress or Head-Nun herself (who is practically the president of the school) went totally out of character (I’m talking WAY out) and kissed every one of us she crossed paths with and told us what a great job we did with a true smile. I was positively shocked, because I thought she was sort of a Voldemort in terms of emotion.

Finally, we all thanked the one and only Sister M, who’s responsible for our choir, the CD, the songs, the concert, the whole project, who worked her hardest to make the night a success. And it worked.

This will most definitely be a night I’ll never, ever forget. This sounds extremely cliché, I know, but sometimes you really can’t say more than that. This was my very first concert, and I pray to God (and Marie) it won’t be the last.

3 Day Quote Challenge! Day 2

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This is Day 2 from the 3 Day Quote Challenge! I almost forgot. I’m so over the moon about something, I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow 🙂

I was nominated by Shivani. for this challenge. Thank you so much! I appreciate it a lot.

The rules of the challenge are real simple;
1)Thank the person who nominated you.
2)Post a quote for three consecutive days.
3)Nominate three new bloggers each day.

I’m gonna do something new today and nominate people I only just e-met. Break the ice 🙂

mypersonalteenlife

Wide Eyed

bookgeeking

Hope you participate!

Today’s quotes come to us from my queen, Gaga:

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Slay me with ur shade.
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And ur wits.

I love these two quotes a lot, especially the second one. Way to go gurl!

I just love this woman.

See you tomorrow! 🙂

iReview: American Horror Story: Hotel – Season 5 – Episode 1

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THE WAIT IS FINALLY OVERRR OMGYAS

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For those of you who have read certain posts of mine, you’d have noticed by now that I’m a huge fan of Lady Gaga. She’s so freakin fab! I promised once that I’d write a post about how we crossed paths, but I don’t think now’s the appropriate time for other multi-part life stories of mine. 

Last February, it was announced, in true Gaga fashion, that she would be starring in the upcoming first season of American Horror Story entitled HOTEL. The fandom, and the interwebz as a whole, went wild.

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I myself wasn’t a huge horror fan and had never watched any AHS episode, but the prospect of watching Gaga grow into an actress on TV was so exciting. Plus, has there even been a better match than Gaga and Horror? Most of her music videos would fit seemlessly in any horror flick. She has a very dark and wicked side and it’s one of the things I love best about her.

As the months went by, we sat there waiting for updates. Lately, these weren’t hard to come by. In fact, every other day there seemed to be new teasers and spoilers appearing. It was soon known that Gaga would be playing Elizabeth, the owner of Hotel Cortez. Plus, she’s apparently a blood-sucker. Cool. 

Well, it sounded cool at first. But when I came to know that they actually are filming a foursome scene involving her and her lover slaughtering their partners and feasting on their blood, my excitement turned into anxiousness.

I wasn’t really a big fan of blood and gore. There’s a reason why I refuse to become a doctor in the future, or why I rarely watch any horror films. Will I be able to cope with these scenes? Or will I just stop watching after the first episode or two despite Gaga being in it?

Still, all of that didn’t stop be from being eager to watch that first episode.

On the 7th of October, it finally premiered. But I was sleeping when it aired. So I waited until the next day after school to watch. I gathered my laptop, earphones and an assortment of horribly unhealthy snacks and clicked that mothaeffin play button.

It all starts out with two blonde tourists stepping out of a cab to check into the Hotel Cortez. From the moment I laid eyes on them, I knew, I just knew that they were gonna die in a matter of hours. The limited experience that I earned from the few horror flicks I’ve watched had taught me enough.

So they step into the hotel, and the lobby is completely empty. It’s dark, but has an air of grandeur and class to it.

They went up to the reception desk to check in. There was no one there. They rang the bell, apparently more times than they should have, according to the receptionist who goes by Iris (played by Kathy Bates). 

She leads them to their room, while informing them that the hotel has no cell service or wifi. If it were me, I’d have been out of there in a matter of seconds.

They see little creepy pale kids standing in the hallways, but that doesn’t seem to bother them too much.

Once they’re in their room, they smell a rotting ‘animal’, which turns out to be a murderous mutant-human-goblin-creature-thingy that has been living in their mattress. 

So what do they do? They just move into another room, like any sane person would do in such a situation. It’s Room 64. Remember that room.

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So everything seems to be going alright. That’s until one of the girls wakes up to find the little creepy kids casually eating her friend in the bathroom. No biggie.

I’m watching. While I’m interested in the story, I also start to wonder where Gaga is. Isn’t she supposed to be important? Am I watching the wrong show?

At long last, the Countess (Gaga) is introduced in the most fabulous of ways. She’s shown getting ready for something, while snorting up an amount of meth that would make even Jesse Pinkman gape. (Please tell me someone gets that reference.)

So she’s finally ready, and so is her partner, Donovan (Matt Bomer). They have such a strong sex appeal together. Amazing match.

So these two seem to be heading out for an open-air movie night. There, they meet (well, technically, make creepy eye contact with) a couple, and they start smirking at each other. Finally, Gaga starts to pretend she’s licking an invisible vagina, and the other couple takes it as cue to go with Gaga and Donovan, two complete strangers who look somewhat medieval. They didn’t even know where they were taking them. They just seemed to enjoy vagina-licking imitations.

Gagz takes them to the Hotel, naturally. By the way, she’s the owner.

The three of them who aren’t Gaga are seen laying naked on a kind sized bed. Then, Gaga appears.

Appears is a big understatement: Gaga fucking makes an ENTRANCE up in this bitch. She’s wearing nothing but her wavy blonde locks on her shoulders, a beautiful black see-through Alexandre McQueen veil all over her, a huge diamond necklace, tiny black panties, and diamond pasties for modesty.

Naturally, the veil comes off. She climbs into the bed, and then the four of them start doing what any four people in a bed would do. Hint: it’s not talking about the weather.

Then, midway through, Gaga and Matt exchange meaningful glances and then suddenly slash the poor other couple’s throats. The foursome soon turns into a massive blood fest. Even though I already knew that was coming from the teasers, it was still shocking to watch.

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Meanwhile, our tourists are being held captive by Iris in some sort of medieval torturing devices. I don’t know if I missed something, but somehow the girl who was being eaten by the children looked like she had never been eaten by anything or anyone. (I know what you’re thinking pervs. Shame on you. And yes I do think she has been.)

Out of nowhere, a crazy chic called Sally appears (Sarah Paulson) and demands to feed the girls. For some reason Iris gets all mad and bitchy and says ‘fine feed them if ur so insistant u bitch’ and leaves. Sally lets one of the girls escape, again for no apparent reason (now I get why this show has confused so many).

Fortunately, the Countess happened to be standing in the doorway and again casually slashed the girl’s throat as she tried to run (told you she’d be dying). 

All of this is sort of an introductory plot, I guess… Because the main plot seems to be about a detective who has been trying to catch a maniac killer who takes the 10 Commandments very, very seriously. Take adultery. He had found a non-married couple having sex, so what does he do? Plants an arrow through the woman’s torso, killing her, takes out the eyeballs and the tongue of the man who is 1) still alive and 2) still ‘inside’ the woman. Oh, and he also nails their hands to the wall.

I guess he didn’t get the memo that killing is the most awful sin of them all. 

Anyway, this detective starts receiving calls from the killer, and all the signs point to Hotel Cortez. So he decides to move there to continue his investigation. Oh, and which room does he take? 

Room 64.

Also, that detective happens to have a missing son called Holden, who we discover has been ‘adopted’ by the Countess. He lives with his siblings in a secret kid room at the hotel filled with video games and candy. One more reason for me to wish Gaga would adopt me some day.

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There are many other disturbing things that take place throughout the episode, like a little girl walking into a room to find two men hanging from the cealing with their guts wrenched out of their bodies, or a Hotel maid casually cleaning blood off sheets like she does this every day (Blood Still Stains When The Sheets Are Washed, anyone?) and most importantly a guy being raped by a featureless zombie monster with a drill-bit penis.

Oh, and there’s this thing where 20-something years ago Sally kills Donovan, and Iris kills Sally because Donovan was her son, but they’re still alive somehow and haven’t aged. My guess is that they’re some sort of solid ghosts. There’s also a theory out there that no one can die in the Hotel – they just turn immortal.

Yup. Mindfuck.

But the complication only makes it more compelling for me. I love a good mystery.

While there has been much I wasn’t fond of in these scenes, and even some that made me look away, it was so captivating. I’m guessing they chose to tell their story with horror elements because it keeps the viewer interested. It sure worked.

Gaga was absolutely amazing in her role, and by the looks of it, her next performances will be even more majestic.

I can’t wait for this Thursday afternoon to watch the second episode! And the next. And the next next.

I recommend this show to all Gaga fans, all horror fans and AHS fans. Also,  for those who like dark themes and have no problem with graphic violence.

What is your opinion of this first episode of AHS: Hotel? Are you going to be renewing your residency at Hotel Cortez, or will you check out at the nearest opportunity?

However, remember… “You can check-out any time you like, but you can never leave!

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Alright, now it’s time to ruin your childhood:

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How I made it to Choir! (Part 2)

Here is the last part of my story about how I made it to choir. It is long, but I wanted to tell it with all the details. Here’s where we left off:

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I guess my panic was pretty obvious because Sister M said calmly ‘don’t worry, it’s alright, I just wanted to know why you were here.’
‘I just wanted to try out… For the experience… And my friend told me…’ I muttered. Mini was gonna pay for this.

She asked me what chant I had prepared, and for some reason I just stood there, frozen, apparently trying to think of something to sing other than the hymn I had been preparing for days. Why I did that is still I mystery but it sure as hell made me look like I just kind of wandered here by mistake and said ‘oh hey, I know what would be fun, I’ll try out for choir!’

At last, I regained reason and told her what I would be singing. She was going to accompany me with the piano, and she would stop playing at some point to see if I could continue singing with no music.

I was taken aback. I did not know that I would be singing over a piano, and I had never done it before. What if I went horribly off tune? Oh god oh god oh god.

Sister M started playing. I took a deep breath. Then I started singing.

Something strange happened then. It was as though a switch went off inside me. I didn’t know how or why, but suddenly, singing felt like the most natural thing in the world! I couldn’t believe how much better I sounded with the piano. It just seemed to flow out if me effortlessly. Not that I became some sort of Frank Sinatra, but I just thought ‘this is right.’ I started smiling. I almost caught myself laughing at many occasions and quickly stopped myself so that I don’t ruin the song.

I was then asked to do another song. I had not prepared for that. I didn’t even know all the words! I tried my best, and ended up just repeating the chorus, but that’s fine.

Next, I had to sing the notes that Sister M played on the piano. That was to see if I could get the notes right. Sure enough, I did pretty well.

Lastly, it was time for the vocal exercice, in which I have to sing ‘Mééééaaaaiiiiii’ on different – what, keys? I don’t know what these are called. But I know that it kicks up a note every time, and I have to sing it over and over until I can’t reach.

I found it quite fun, and I also had to stop myself laughing there, because it was kinda ridiculous, me standing there with my mouth wide open belting out this sound I only ever heard on Star Academy.

I didn’t reach too high. I guess I looked worried, because then the nun called in a boy who seemed to have been in choir for a long time. She did the same exercice with him, and he could reach the high notes I couldn’t. Was she just showing me that I’m not good enough? I wasn’t very pleased.

But then, she started lowering the notes, and he reached a point where he couldn’t go on. That’s when she asked me to pick up, and I did. It wasn’t hard at all. I kept going down until my voice was just a rumble. So it’s not about singing the highest you can after all.

I finished. She looked at me, and held out her hand.
‘Congratulations! You’re a Bass.‘ She said, smiling.
I took her hand disbelievingly. Is that it? I’m in?!
‘What’s a bass?’ I asked.
‘It’s your vocal type, it means you can sing the lower notes. They’re few here, so it’s great to have an addition.’

So that was it. I’m officially in. I felt so light, so relieved – I made it! How?! It was unreal. All my worries were pointless. Wow!!!

I immediately texted everyone. Told them I wasn’t accepted. Just to mess with them. Especially Mini.

I then started talking with Sister M and the other boy about myself. My grades, where I’m from, my hobbies… I said that I loved listening to music, and playing the piano, but only by ear. So she asked me if I could play and sing something. The first song that popped into my head was Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’. I played the chorus on the piano, rather nervously, because I had never done it in front of anyone before. For the song, I started to sing ‘Wide Awake’ by Katy Perry because I had sung it the day before on karaoke and felt good about it, but I didn’t feel good at all after a few notes so I changed my mind midway and sang ‘Dollhouse’ by Melanie Martinez instead. It was okayish. She noticed that I have a small lisp with the letter S, which I’ve had since I was little, and told me that I should have seen a doctor for it. I don’t think my parents really cared about that.

‘So when do I start?’ I asked.
‘Today. The lesson starts at 4’ she replied.
It was 3:30 now. I’ll wait. I was very excited.

When Mini came, I was standing alone outside, with a very fake frown. I assumed he had gotten my message, because he had an apologetic tone when he asked ‘what happened?’ Aww. After all, he did recommend me. I should be thanking him. Instead, I smiled and said ‘Bass.
‘Wait – really?! That’s great, I’m bass too! We’re only like 4 and there are so many tenors (I assumed tenors were the high-singers like that other boy). Sister M told me she’d kill me if I had brought in a new one.’

That was nice to hear. Maybe I wasn’t going to be a useless adition after all.

Moments later other chorists started arriving, and I could tell Mini was right because they seemed happy to know that there was a new bass. When everyone was there at last, we all sat on chairs, each group (Bass, Tenor, Alto [lower-voiced girls] and Soprano [the opposite]) alone.

Sister M started the session by welcoming me into the choir, and I received polite applause from everyone. I didn’t notice this, but I was actually the only one who tried out.

We then went into respiration and relaxation exercices. These were fun.

Not as fun as the vocal exercices, though. These were amazing. Hearing everyone sing at once, it was close to magical. I couldn’t believe I was a part of that.

I had some trouble at first adjusting to the right keys, but I quickly recovered.

Then, it was time to learn a new song. She gave us the music sheets, and each group was off to learn it alone, because as I came to know we don’t all sing the same tunes.

As it was my first time, I had some problems singing the right notes at certain places. But they were all very patient and encouraging with me, not once did they seem annoyed or amused, and they told me that this was a hard song compared to the usual (though I feel like they were just trying to raise my spirits).

But it did pay off, and I finally reached those tricky notes. I felt very pleased with myself.

Usually, after learning a song, we were supposed to sing it all together (the four groups), but that day was an exception because they were having elections for choir president and assistants. The president and his crew from last year had prepared a nice little ceremony involving funny sketches and a buffet, and I thought their spirit was awesome. I was happy to be part of such a community.

I told Mini about that, and he said ‘I know. This is the only place at school that I really like.’

I then understood why he wanted us here. And I’m very, very glad I joined.