Why am I even trying?

What the hell is happening to me?!
Since when was I such a looser?
I swear I used to do light study a day before any test, and easily ace it.
Nowadays, it’s just the opposite if that. I have been studying for this maths test for almost a week. It’s not even an exam, or a big defining test, it’s just a simple stupid regular one.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I’LL EVEN PASS!
WHAT?! When did I become like this?!
And just to clarify – it’s just with maths. For now.
But the thing is that maths was supposed to be my main subject for senior year.
You see, in my country, and our useless rotten school system, you are divided into ‘scientific’ and ‘literary’ classes in sophomore year (11th Grade). I won’t even try to explain any of those because it’d take me ages – but if you’re interested just leave a comment 🙂
Anyway, in senior year, the literary class stays as it is, and the scientific classes have to choose between two options: SG (Sciences Générales=General Sciences) or SV (Sciences de la Vie=Life Sciences). Basically, SG is a synonym for a shitton of maths classes and SV for biology (chemistry as well but mainly biology). SG makes you an architect. SV makes you a doctor. Yes, being in the Middle East, the policy of “be a lawyer, a doctor or an architect or else you’re a failure” is dominant.
Ever since I discovered about these divisions, I had my mind almost non-questionably made up: I’m going to be an architect. I’m with maths.
Now wait a second. Sidenote. If it were up to what I want to do, I’d go into the literary section without even having to think twice. My ideal job would be to write. But 1) as I stated once or twice before, writing won’t make me a living, and 2) you’ve probably noticed that I’m a pretty shitty writer. This whole post for example is incoherant, jumps from idea to idea, and has no clear point or purpose. That’s aside from my practically inexistant style. But this is my blog and I can write whatever the fuck I like, so watch me do it. Lelz.
But yeah, I need something that will make me and my family live comfortably. And I thought I had it in the bag, considering how good I was at maths and physics.
Not anymore.
I used to feel like maths exams were just an application of what I knew. I would go in there, solve the paper and present it.
This year? I haven’t been able to complete even one single test. ONE! I know everything at home. I understand everything completely. But when it’s test time, I blank out. I’M NOT LIKE THIS! Am I getting that much affected by my friends, who do the same?
I’m glad I understand the stuff, but it’s taking me much more time than previously. Now that has to be a natural aspect of going up higher classes, but I look around and I see that some of my friends are having no trouble at all. Just like I used to be. WHY AM I NOT LIKE THAT ANYMORE?! I am so lost! And devastated. I consider this a failure from my part. I was supposed to be the guy everyone knew he’d be successful. Now I’m basically sidelined.
I feel stupider now because I’m pretty sure I’ve made this kind of post at least once before. You must be tired of my whining and I’m sorry. I’m just totally lost. Where do I go from here? What do I do? One thing’s clear: if every maths test I’m going to do is going to go this bad, count me out. I want nothing to do with it. It’s stupid and pointless. Sorry maths geeks.
I thought about it a bit, and I have come to the random conclusion that I want to be a college professor. It just sounds like something I’d enjoy. Maybe physics, or chemistry… Just college, not high school. God no.
I’m rambling. When did I start writing this again? Oh god. I don’t even want to reread this. Sorry if I made you do it.

I mean… I forgot I was writing this and now I found the draft two whole days later. Why am I even. But you know quite a bit happened today and I might have a clearer idea? Make another post about it? Heck yeah I will.

GAGA JUST SLAYED YOU HONEY

Yeah, Leo. I’m talking to you.

YES YOU. ROMEO. JACK. REVENANT-GUY.

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Can you explain…

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THIS?!

YOU have the HONOUR of having LADY GAGA’s arms basically BRUSH YOUR ARTICLE OF CLOTHING, and… YOU DO THIS?!

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Why is he even famous.

Is someone pissed off? He is bound to be! Gagz won on her first ever acting nomination. YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR OSCARS SINCE BEFORE I WAS BORN.

OH, how it would be absofuckinglutely thrilling if she actually wins an Oscar before him. And that’s not even far-fetched, she actually is nominated for the Best Soundtrack Award thingy and you’ll be sitting there, empty-armed, looking at her casually destroying your life.

DON’T MESS WITH THE COUNTESS, FUCKER.

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So let’s get serious real quick.

I know Leo was basically drunk then, and that he apologized, and frankly I have no idea why the media made this such a big deal. All I did when I watched him was burst out laughing. His reaction was priceless, BUT it has been way too disfigured and misinterpreted.He obviously wasn’t laughing at her when she just bumped into him, I mean LOOK at his face. He clearly looks like he has had way too many drinks. It was just funny, and even when they asked him about the incident after the show he had no idea what happened.

The other issue here is Gaga’s win. People obviously didn’t all agree and that’s why they took Leo’s reaction as an example. They are outraged that they gave the award to a first-time actress, and accused her of only winning because of her fame, and to make headlines (and it sure did).

In all honesty, I DO think that Gaga’s win wasn’t purely based on talent. But does it mean she doesn’t DESERVE to win?

We have to give her credit: the only reason I was hooked on American Horror Story is honestly because of her. Everyone kind of knew her as The Countess even before she was acting. She was this freaky, glamorous, dark woman who seemed to have a heart as cold as her glassy and haughty looks. Back when she used to dress like this was when she thrived in her career, and I can see how this was reflected on her performance. I loved watching her, I loved just looking at the scenes she was in. You could really FEEL how excited she was to be in a project like that, and it kept me and thousands of others watching, even though we never really liked horror in the first place.

I don’t know any of the other nominees, so I can’t really compare, but what I do know is that they each gave wonderful performances as well to be nominated. And maybe their performances were better, but if there is one actress who really shone this year, who proved herself, who took a role and made it her own, who made people from all over the world tune in, whose win would mean that anyone can do anything if they have the heart, the passion and the creativity, it’s Lady Gaga.

Fantastic Beasts Trailer… Not so fantastic.

Hey there.
I’m gonna take a minute and break out of the 12 Collabs project schedule to post this because duh it’s urgent.
So the trailer to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them has been released.

So… Is that it?
That’s the trailer we’ve all been waiting for?
Honestly, if it weren’t for the couple of famous actors known to be in the movie, I’d have guessed it’s fanmade.

LIKE WHY

I really hope this is only just a teaser, not the full trailer. But either way…

THAT PLOT.

EXCAPED ANIMALS?!

WHAT IS THIS CURIOUS GEORGE

Phew. Calm down.

I trust in you, Jo. I know you’ll make out of this lame plot something special.

DO NOT DISAPPOINT ME US

G’day!

My life has a bipolar disorder.

Yeah. Not me. If life was a function problem, I’d be a constant. What a lame ass maths joke.

But my life would be that squiggly lign thingy that goes up and down and up and around and back down again and then does a backflip and lands on it’s ass and still keeps bumping.

This is so sad it’s almost funny. I’m laughing at myself seriously. What the fuck is wrong with everything? Is everyone drunk and I’m the designated driver? I honestly feel like I am. You might say ‘oh please he’s so full of himself he doesn’t realize he’s the problem’ but I seriously don’t think so (hashtagmodestyhashtag).

I really don’t wanna elaborate and say anything I might regret later (remember the time I bashed a teacher of mine? And then made an ‘apology’ post and ended up shading him even more?) so I’ll stop for now. I know my squiggly line of a life will eventually rise up again but I don’t know when and honestly I’m not even sure if I’m going through a ‘minimum’ right now. This has happened to me way too many times in the past to label it a ‘turning point’.

Ugh. I said I would stop talking and I’m STILL talking. I like to talk. But for now I’m gonna have to shut the hell up, find a way to forget about my ‘pretendue’ misery (hashtagfrenchteacherhashtag) which happened to occur conveniently during the time I need to concentrate the most, and study some damn History and a thousand other subjects for my ‘exams’. I say ‘exams’ because the school won’t admit these are exams so that they don’t give us days off to study, but the content and the procedures are the same. They’re fucking with us. This has to be illegal.

“I’m gonna stop talking” I said. LOL.

UPDATE: This is it. I can’t. No. It’s definitely a ‘minimum’. My mental breakdown is happening. I don’t want this to happen. For the fourth time. Is this a joke?! Definitely not. I can’t think straight. Exams? Who fucking cares?! Why?!?!?! I can’t. I don’t wanna cry. I won’t cry, because it’s useless. I can’t do anything. I’m vulnerable. People realize how vulnerable I am before I did. And now I’ve completely lost control. I hate myself.

Fuck you Obama.

‘This is an attack not just on Paris, not just on France, but all of Humanity.’ Says US president Barack Obama, a short while after the terrorsit attack at the Stade de France.

Oh… So it takes a football game to make it a tragedy that affects humanity, right?

If it’s the same terrorists, with the same death toll, in a different, less ‘popular’ country, why would he bat an eye? What news site would cover that story?

I’m so disgusted.

What’s more awful to note, is that he might be ignoring what’s going on in my poor country on purpose.

Oh the corruption. What are we going to do. What is this. What’s going on.

Is this just the beginning?

After all we’ve been through; my country’s people are still dumb. And dead.

Today, around 6 P.M. in my country Lebanon, the news broke with reports of a terrorist attack in Dahye, which is part of the capital Beirut.

The infamous terrorist scum who call themselves ISIS (or Daa’esh in Arabic) decided it’s time for another bombing, since there hasn’t been one in a while and they were getting kinda bored.

So they chose a guy, told him ‘kill yourself, take as many with you and go to heaven where 100 ladies will welcome you to live with them forever’. Naturally, he said yes.

The bombing happened as planned. 20 died.

Now, what do we do in case there’s a bombing near us?

a) We quickly regroup all our family members and get as far away as possible to stay safe.

OR

b) We make plans to stop by and take a look at the dead people, maybe take some selfies with the remains, and heck if we’re lucky we might even get on TV!

If you’re Lebanese, you probably chose b).

Well, congratulations! Another bomb went off and you’re all dead now!

LIKE. SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE FUCK.

How can people be so careless?! This is so horrible to talk about.

Oh my fucking gosh.

I think I just understood, like literally in this moment, the meaning of ‘Curiosity killed the cat.’

So now there are over 45 dead people, and 180 injured.

What’s better? THERE ARE STILL MORE PEOPLE STOPPING BY TO WATCH.

I’m done with this. It’s really hard to feel sorry right now.

Oh and also I don’t know how but they just announced that schools are to resume as usual tomorrow morning.

I really, really want to leave this shitty piece of land we call ‘country’. Like right now.

*****
This was written yesterday, when the events happened. I couldn’t post it at the time because my Wifi is full of shit.

For some reason, when I woke up today my mom told me to go back to sleep because school is canceled again. I should have known this because since when do my people come up with definite decisions?

I don’t know what made them change their minds, hopefully there hasn’t been ANOTHER bomb but I frankly don’t want to care right now.

3 Day Quote Fuck Shit Fucking Cunt FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

I HAD PREPARED SOME REALLY NICE HARRY POTTER QUOTES FOR TODAY.

I EVEN WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING A POST ABOUT MIRANDA’S BOOK THAT I JUST BOUGHT. IT WAS GOING TO BE FABULOUS.

BUT I CAN’T POST ANY OF THESE THINGS.

WHY?!

BECAUSE I DROPPED MY FUCKING PHONE IN WATER.

The screen went out in literally a second and though it was still buzzing, it didn’t show anything. I tried turning it off but I couldn’t even. I tried to blow dry it, take out the battery… BUT IT’S BUILT IN AND DOESN’T COME OFF! AND I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING COVER SO THE WATER HAPPILY JUST WENT IN AND MADE A PARTY AND RUINED EVERYTHING.

On top of it all, my family are being douchebags and making fun of my freaking out. I really, REALLY want to dump all their phones in the toilet and see how they’d like it.

THIS IS SO UNFAIIIR WHYYYYY GOD WHY WHAT HAVE I DONE

My life is literally ruined. For the next couple of weeks. Maybe months. Or days, if the putting-it-in-rice thing actually does work, but DOUBT IT.

I don’t know what I’ll have to do next.

Goodbye, unfinished blog posts and precious pictures, forever lost in a sea of dirty dish water and soap and eau de javel.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

UPDATE: Oh, and also WordPress just told me I’ve reached 100 followers. This really isn’t how I pictured the celebrations.

Happy Halloween! NOT.

We don’t celebrate Halloween.

Why? Because it’s ‘satanic’.

Are you all like Miranda or something?!

If I was to ban everything that’s considered satanic from my life, I’d be bored to death.

In case you’re wondering NO, I’M NOT SATANIC and I could never be.
I’m referring to the people who kill animals and drink blood and burn crosses and stuff like that.

But that doesn’t mean that everything out-of-the-ordinary is inflicted upon us by some devil! Come on people.

Just because you’re scared of anything weird, doesn’t mean you should make it into something sordid.
Like Harry Potter. What’s satanic in that? Magic?! It’s not hurting anyone! It’s just your stuck up and limited beliefs. Just like stop.

Lady Gaga is very unconventional. I get it. I don’t know, however, how that makes her a devil minion.

They tell us ‘Halloween glorifies violence, abnormality, witchcraft’ and all that. I swear guys, I just wanna dress different once in a year. Stop making all this fuss. It’s really not going to turn me into Satan’s slave.

There is one holiday similar to Halloween we cebrate which is St. Barbara’s Day on the 4th of December, where basically kids dress up and go with their parents to a few houses and eat candy and sweets. It’s just very basic and childish, and there’s nothing special to it.

Halloween isn’t banned. Not at all. It isn’t that serious. But we just don’t celebrate it, and anyone who does is considered a weirdo and a hippy and lost in his ways and whatever.

I just would like to experience it, that’s all. But by the time (and if) I leave the country, I’d probably be way too old to trick or treat.

Some people are pricks.

I’m sorry for posting two consecutive pissed-off posts, but I had to.

If you’re new to my blog, I swear I’m usually cheerful and all. But gaahhhghhahahagagsgshsksjksksj

I’m fucking mad.

Put yourself in this situation: if you find out, by chance or by wit, that your friends are throwing you a SURPRISE birthday party, do you a) keep quiet and act surprised or b) tell them that they ain’t foolin you?

IF YOU’RE A PRICK, CONGRATS, YOU PICKED B).

I mean when my friends threw me a party for my birthday, I literally knew like every single detail, but I tried my best to act surprised, because it would make them feel great. And really, I did not care at all, and was so grateful that they thought of me and tried their best to make my birthday memorable (and it worked – check out this post if for some reason you’re interested in knowing how.) I didn’t tell them ‘meh, srsly guys it was all obvious down to the presents’. I only told one person, and this lovely girl is the only one who’ll probably read this so it’s alright (although she hasn’t been on here in a while…. Gah they give us so much work to do.)

So like, if you find out your best friends are throwing you a party, just KEEP QUIET! Because it could ruin everything. We don’t need to know that you’ve out-smarted us. Yay for you. Move on.

Now in reality not everything is ruined, I think the person I’m referring to noticed that it made me upset and dropped the subject quickly. So I guese he’ll try to act surprised for my sake.

If he doesn’t… Oh well. I tried. Fuck him.

Remember how I called my physics teacher a huge pile of shit?

Well… He’s not that huge of a pile.

Ugh.

When I wrote that post, I knew that there was a possibilty that I’d have to eat some of my words later. I didn’t care, because I was so frustrated.

In fact, everything that I wrote in that post was under the effect of cumulated anger and frustration. I was livid because the whole situation seemed unfair. I knew I’d get a low grade and it wouldn’t even be my fault.

Well, I got a low grade alright. But I wasn’t completely innocent.

The thing I was mad about was that he would not correct one of my questions that I did on the answer paper instead of the question paper, like he wanted. I really wasn’t just imagining it and insulting him over what I thought he’d do, I literally asked him if that was okay and he said ‘You’ll have to bear the consequences blahnlahblah.’ That in itself is a very stuck up and conceited thing to say. Especially when you just said it to mess with your students.

He did correct it. And I got that one right. Bitch, why’d you say you wouldn’t?! I feel like he just wanted to humiliate me. Did he expect me to beg? Gtfo.

The reason I still had a low grade was 1) the test was hard. The highest note was like 8/10 and many failed. Last year, 8 was considered mediocre. 2) my eyes are fucking stupid and idk how they saw the number 20 and wrote it down as 12 but it messed up one of my calculations. Seriously?! Lost me like half a point. Smh. 3) I never said that I didn’t mean any of the other things I said about him. He IS strict when it comes to presentation, and he DOES correct only following his method. The only question I really got wrong (not just stuff he’s picky about) was over 1 point, so really I could have gotten a 9. But I got a 7.

You might say, ‘Oh! I thought you failed. 7’s not bad’.
While it is in fact not too bad (it’s like the 5th highest in class), it is by my standards. The lowest grade I got in phsyics last year was like 9. I don’t feel like this year I’m worse, it’s just that our last teacher was the opposite: he was very easy to please when it came to answers, and just cared about the basics. Plus, he’d raise our grades if we asked nicely enough. I hope more teachers were like this in that way.

The reason I care so much is because my college scolarship depends on my grades. Especially my physics and maths grades, because I intend to pursue those subjects. But guess what? I got a 7 on maths too. That one has no excuses. Just me being awfully stupid. I’m really surprised and disgusted. It really made me want to punch something, probably myself, but I showed no sign of that in class and acted as though it was all fine and whatevs. Everyone got a better grade! I did get a 10 on the last test, so it’s 17 in total I guess, but still. Ugh.

Why am I talking about my grades here anyway. It’s probably boring you to death right now. Excuse me.

Imma go now and study, because I really don’t want this to happen again.

Wish me luck guys.