The Friend.

What do I want? 

Am I lying to myself when I say I don’t want relationships at the moment? I am. Because I do. I do badly, and I see opportunities everywhere. I overanalyze, I make up signs to notice, I fall in love.

… Or do I? Not anymore. I rather “lose balance and sway for a moment before regaining grip” in love. I’ve done it too many times to let myself actually fall. And I’m not wrong.

Name: Anthony. Job description: receiving screenshots from friends of conversations with crushes and love interests and helping them through their relationships. 

Time to tell the mirror what I know she’s heard before: I don’t wanna be you anymore. Be ME anymore. The sidekick. The friend. The mother hen. The couselor. 

Can’t I be the crush for once? The love interest? The cute guy you’re afraid to talk to? The person you rave to your best friend about?

When will someone talk to me because they’re interested in me r o m a n t i c a l l y and not – God, those awful three words – a s a f r i e n d? 

It’s funny but it hurts. I’m tired. I’m done. I’m way too close to turning to people who are interested but who I don’t find attractive at all. And that’s dangerous, because it breaks one of my main morals. 

I’m scared.

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3 thoughts on “The Friend.

  1. I’m sure someone is out there waiting for you. I know it sucks to hear that because 6 days ago I was that girl. Telling people how happy I was for them. And how much they deserved their relationship. But inside me I kept thinking that it wasn’t fair. Why do some of us get someone so easily and some of us don’t? Well in the moment I was expecting it the least I met him. A few days ago. And things got, let’s say deep, in that short time. And I couldn’t have imagined that I’d meet someone like him that I finally get what I think I deserve. And I believe that you deserve someone that loves you with all their heart. And that you are the one for them. And maybe you already are the crush, maybe they’re just too shy to say so. You deserve to be loved. And I’m sure you’re an amazing person. I know that I don’t know you, and that I’m maybe not the right person to say something now. But I’m me and I can’t change. And I care about people and their lives. So I care about you. That’s why I wanted to tell you, don’t loose hope. And this might sound weird but don’t expect it and wait for it. Just live your life and someone will come along. You never know. Might be today, might be tomorrow, it might even be in a month. But it will happen eventually. And when it does, I hope you know that I’m happy for you. And mean it this time. Look, the world’s full of people, lovely young women that are waiting for you right now. And when you’ll meet them it’ll be right. And I know it’s scaring. It scares the hell outta me all the time. And I keep worrying that I’ll somehow mess it up. And you’re damn right it hurts, you’re so damn right. What am I even doing. You surely have better things to do than read this awfully long comment, but if you do read it, thanks. And I believe that you’ll be comfortable with being you. Because being someone else sucks. So just be yourself. And don’t you dare change for some girl. If she’s the right one, she’ll love you just the way you are. And those weren’t just lyrics, those were meant. So don’t give up. Please. Keep on going. And if you need advice you know where my blog is. Bye

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