What do I want?
Am I lying to myself when I say I don’t want relationships at the moment? I am. Because I do. I do badly, and I see opportunities everywhere. I overanalyze, I make up signs to notice, I fall in love.
… Or do I? Not anymore. I rather “lose balance and sway for a moment before regaining grip” in love. I’ve done it too many times to let myself actually fall. And I’m not wrong.
Name: Anthony. Job description: receiving screenshots from friends of conversations with crushes and love interests and helping them through their relationships.
Time to tell the mirror what I know she’s heard before: I don’t wanna be you anymore. Be ME anymore. The sidekick. The friend. The mother hen. The couselor.
Can’t I be the crush for once? The love interest? The cute guy you’re afraid to talk to? The person you rave to your best friend about?
When will someone talk to me because they’re interested in me r o m a n t i c a l l y and not – God, those awful three words – a s a f r i e n d?
It’s funny but it hurts. I’m tired. I’m done. I’m way too close to turning to people who are interested but who I don’t find attractive at all. And that’s dangerous, because it breaks one of my main morals.