God I missed writing here.
Hey! 😀 how is everyone?
I’m feeling a bit blue, so I thought I’d talk on here.
I have definitely talked about this before. I will say it again.
The sadism in my school is unreal. UN. REAL.
They gave us an exam schedule for a non-exam. There is no motive. They just did. Gave us 11 tests to prepare for over the weekend.
And I officially cracked.
I had done my physics test on friday. I didn’t do well at all. I gave it all I had, and I still fell flat. I have no idea why this has been happening to me, but God, does it make me feel awful about my future.
Another subject I have discussed countlessly on here, so I won’t get deep into it, but I’m still as lost as ever when it comes to what I want to study/become later. The time to choose is looming closer and closer, and I’m just feeling more and more clueless. Doing bad on unexpected tests, doing surprisingly good in others, feeling like I want to just leave school for good – my mind is at war with itself. Nobody’s winning.
Yesterday, in church, I teared up. I felt hopeless. What was I doing? Where was I going? I had NO idea. And I kept on living my life just the way it is, not bothering to change anything up. Because I’m too much of a coward.
Anyway, I went to sleep last night, fully knowing that I’ll never be able to finish studying the next day.
I was not sure if I was sleeping or not. Ever experience that state of extremely uncomfortable half-asleep-half-awake-half-dreaming state? It was awful. I started hallucinating about trigonometry equations for some reason.
At 1:38 A.M, I woke up alarmed. My stomach was feeling weird.
Next thing you know, I was in the bathroom, throwing up, crying, clunching my stomach and my burning throat. I don’t need to go into much more detail because we all know it’s best to leave them aside. But it happened again an hour later, and I had no power to do anything but just stand there, looking at the pathetic mess facing me in the mirror.
Luckily, in a way, I wasn’tvexactly silent during the whole process, and while all I got from my sister was disgusted grunts telling me to stop, my dad got up and took care of me. He made me mint tea, and fed it to me spoonful by spoonful. I was scared I’d throw up again but I didn’t think anything was still down there.
I went to bed after that, already dreading what would happen when I finally wake up.
5:43 A.M. I wake up. No anomaly in sight. Usual routine of checking Gagadaily for news.
And oh boy what news I had!
BAYONSE THE QUEEN FINALLY GRACED US BY RELEASING HER 6TH STUDIO ALBUM, TITLED
I know. It sounded very weird to me at first. But who cares about the title? (Which actually eventually makes sense) FINALLY A NEW RELEASE. An appetizer while waiting for LG5.
Not only did Bey deliver 12 new tracks, it was a visual album. It was accompanied by an hour-long short film featuring all the songs in some sort of epic music video.
I have ALWAYS dreamed of something like this happening, but I always thought it was like a myth. Not something that would ACTUALLY happen!
Because of my tests, my conscience did not agree for me to listen to the album. NO kind of fun until that darn hell is over. It’ll be my congratulatory treat.
Well… About those exams.
I didn’t do them.
Well I may be the only one gasping but it’s the first time I’ve missed major exams ever so it’s normal I feel so rebellious about it.
After the incident Saturday/Sunday night, I woke up and I felt broken. Like literally, my body was in pieces. It pained me to move, and I couldn’t eat anything. I was very dehydrated, obviously, but I still was scared to drink too much. My head hurt like hell. There was no way I could study anything in that state.
So I just laid in bed, all day. Not studying anything. And do you know how stressful it is to sit there not studying when you’re not even sure whether you’ll do the tests or not? But I just did not have the power to study, so it wasn’t much of a choice of mine.
At that point, it was pretty clear that there was NOT going to be tests for me tomorrow. If I went, I’d flop HARD. On the one hand, the subjects were important (maths, chemistry) and I had a high grade in them so their cancelation would decrease the final one. But on the other, much heavier hand, if I did do the tests, I could get grades so low they’d decrease the final one a LOT. I had no choice.
I didn’t tell my friends right away, because I didn’t want it to feel like an IN YO FACE BISHES while they were studying their asses off. But when I did, they were very supprotive. Well except for my best friend who’s never supportive but that’s his thing so liek
The harder part was going to be convincing my parents to let me miss my exams. They are the hardest people to persuade, especially when it comes to missing school. Jesus.
They’re not even like NO U CANT STAi HOME U LIL BITCH, they’re like um hunty ain’t nuthn wrong with u like y do u even wanna stay it’s pointless ur argument is pointless bai
Um… DO YOU NOT SEE ME DYING HERE?
“But you’ll be fiiiiine tomorrowwww go do the teeeest”
But I haven’t even studied!
“You’ve been studying for like… 2 days! Why would you need more?”
BECAUSE I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT MY GRADES AND FUTURE AND COLLEGE AND DON’T WANT TO MAKE YOU SPEND FORTUNES ON ME?!
“Lol fine wutvr stay”
And that’s how I stayed.
The day was pretty sweet. The rebellious feeling inside me was almost too much, I felt like jumping off the roof screaming I’M HOME DURING MY TEST! or just doing ANYTHING that would get people to know that I skipped school. Like it wasn’t even some crazy act! I was sick for God’s sakes!
Later during the day, mom came home. She wasn’t happy. At all.
“They called me up from school. Asking for yo ass. Bitch what was I supposed to tell em? I aint no lyin hoe.” (I don’t know in what world my parents have a ghetto accent but I like it and will keep it)
“How about you just tell them I’m sick, considering I AM!”
“Bitch stfu I did but they was all like hunty we aint buyin yo shit we nees to see the receipts or yo son aint doin no more tests”
“Works for me!”
“Aw really? Damn well. Get a 0 and fail dem exams, who needs to pai 4 ur tuition anyway”
(Okay this is getting old)
So yeah, turns out I needed to present a doctor’s report so that they count me absent and not give me a zero.
I lost my shit at first and was all worried but mom fixed me up and got me my report. It was valid for two days, but I still wanted to go do my exams the next day because if I didn’t my grade would drop a lot (because those tests held my grade high and I needed them especially after the awful physics test).
And so I went. I started my biology test feeling confident that I wanted to ace this. But when I saw it, I almost passed out because the questions made no sense to me. I started panicking, I got tensed up, my brain could not process anything, and my stomach kicked in. I couldn’t do it. I got a permission to go see the headmistress/nun to whom I had presented my report earlier in the morning.
Luckily, she remembered me. She also knows me because as a class president I have to speak to her in case we have a request or want to talk about something. Plus, she knows I have the highest grades in my class. In short, she knew I was a serious student.
She immediately offered to call my mom and ask her to come and take me home. I kindly disagreed, told her I needed to do the other tests for my grades, and she was sort of amused at how she was the one telling me to go home and rest and I was the one insisting on staying. She ended up calling my mom to ask her what I should eat and take as medicine. I bought some cupcakes from a store close to the school and the nurse gave me a pill for my stomach. I spent the time studying for my next test which was this subject I still have no idea what it’s called in English so I’ll just use the unconvincing Google translation which is ‘public spirit’ (but mostly deals with politics and how the government works and such). I took that test and did very well in it.
I finished, got out if the classroom and found mom waiting for me near the principal’s office.
“Hoe who even told u 2 come liek who invited dis bitch”
(Sorry mom. I’m doing it for the blog.)
Turns out she had free time and came to check up on me.
I still had Philosophy and English. The latter was the one I most insisted to take because it was my best subject.
But suddenly I thought of something. I ran to my English teacher and asked her if she’d put my project/oral test’s grade as my final grade, and she agreed, and I was thrilled because I had a very high grade.
After I got all my businesses sorted out, I could leave with a clear conscience. So I went to the principal and thanked her for everything, checked up on my friends who were like totally not jealous, and left.
And that’s how I ended up doing 4 out of my 11 tests for this semester. #NotEvenSorry.
The tests were over, and you know what that meant… LEMONADE TIME!
I finally listened to that album after all these
years months weeks days. And may I just say, WOW. That was such a beautiful piece of work. Everything felt connected, poignant, alive, fierce, powerful, Beyonce. Special mention goes out to Jay Z whose repulsing and rat bastardy attitude inspired this album. May he never heal from all the Bey-stings he received.
And do NOT get me started on that short film… Just… Jesus. It was like all my dreams coming true. I actually want to review it soon in a later post but hopefully this ‘soon’ won’t be a Gaga ‘soon’. For those of you non-popculturehoes, that means it will probably never come.
Wednesday was okay. I got my physics grade. 14/20. Bad. Not terrible, but very bad. For me. I gave the teacher such dirty looks that I felt he almost wondered if he should hire a security guard for the night.
It was the last day of school for our seniors, and they had a big party, like every year. Music, water fights, they even got colored powder and trashed the whole gym with it, throwing it around at themselves and making a huge mess with water.
I felt uneasy. We had one year left. One year. As much as I hate school’s guts, I really don’t want it to end. Even now, these moments feel priceless. I can’t believe how much I’ll miss it when it’s finally over.
Anyway, I was glad to go home that day because it’s the beginning of the second short Easter break (for the orthodox I think). Today was the first day, there are 5 left. I spent it helping mom prepare for my sister’s birthday party tomorrow (while her actual birthday was two weeks ago), baking (and failing) dozens of cupcake recipes and making crafty stuff with crepe paper.
This has officially become the longest, most boring and useless post I ever posted and I wonder if anyone managed to read through it. I’m convinced no one will, heck, even I don’t have the energy to reread this.
Wow. Good job Anthony. Such good blogging quality you’re delivering.
Oh well, no matter, I wanted to write because it’s been a while and I’m glad I did. Hope you guys have wonderful weekends and if you celebrate Easter this week, Happy Easter!