This is it. The final piece in my legendary epic: Adventures With Miranda. Just kidding, I think like 4 people in total read it. Including me. But I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to present this final installation.
FINALE: MIRANDA SETTLES IT ALL
I follwed the peoples to the insides of the churtsh. It was ugli thb. It was al wite and flowersy. The sits wer pi£nK. Ther wer roze petels all on the floor and witeh carpet. Disgusgin!i stared screemin that tehse people were racist terroristics who killd the plants jus for ther own twisted pleajur and to throw them away on the flour wher peoelpe squitsh them!!1 but no oen even herd me cuz they wer all talkeng at de samw time.
I went and sat in the bak. Jotshua still hadnt even invited me yet and i didn wnat my plan to fail jjst cuz of him seein me at the his weding. So i tok a vase and stiked it inmy head. Now teyr gona think im an inocent lamp.
As i stood ther it staredt to itch down there. But lamps dont hev private parts so it would hav bin wierd to scratch.
Finely, the stoopid baground moosic stoped to be replased by live musec thats even mors horible. But i coudn see from the vase, so i poked a whole in it to my eyes. I almos screemd so hard evryones ears would have bleeded as much as my eyes at that monment. But i didn ccuz im a good spy who steys underkover. So i just stayed ther, blood smeerin my lips wiz more red. It must hav luked so lutshess and kewl.
On the shine side, i coud see now, even thru all the bloods. Jotchau was on the altar, righ nest to my meats. That hoe, he didn even eat them! I bougt them for nothin.
Then… A flower girl? WATT?!?! I WANTED TO BE A FLOWER GURL!!!!@!! WY DINT HE EVEN AKS ME?! i was gettin osoooo titted of rite now. Am so angry at them you dindt even now it. I wanted to hurt. Bad.
And at last………
Cowleeen. Wiz an old man. I think hes my dad but im not even shur cuz i dont see him a lot. It was usully just ny unkle.
He waked her up the ile, steppin on the pour litle rose petels like theyr inocent slaves. ‘Ill revendge u, rodzes!’ I said to maself.
She arivd at the alter nest to jutshoa. Hi smiled at her fugly fatce. Urgh i was goin to threw up.
‘Do you, Joshua Evans, take Colleen as your wife?’
‘BOOOOOO’, I said, but no one even herd me cuz they wer buzy clappin. Idoits.
‘Do you, Colleen Ballinger, take Joshua s your husband?’
‘I Do’ that hoe said.
More clapin. It was liek moestiquo saeson all over agin.
‘You may now kiss the bride’ said the old man. They leened in.
‘NOT SO FAST, FAGGETS’.
I was done. He was NOT goin to kitss her and cheet on me in fornt of eveybody!! I took off the vase and smatshed it for darmatic efect.
‘Miranda?!’ gasped Josh.
‘What’s that crazy bitch doing here?’ said colean.
‘WHADYOU CALL ME YOU FUCKIN CUNT?!’ I screeched. Forgt goin to hell. Im not goin to let zis happen even if it took me bad werds to say.
‘This is my wedding! It’s my moment!’
‘BUT HES MY FUCKIN BAE YOU SLUTY HOEBAG!’
‘Calm the hell down Miranda!’ said Jotsh.
‘Not anymore then! Go back to sucking your uncle’s-‘
‘UR SHITHOLE OF A MOUTH WILL NOT TELL ME WAT TO DO YOU TWAT IV HAD IT WIZ U’
And so I puld out my gun.the crowed gasped. Then some1 screemed and they started runnin in every diretshen, hoeever colleen seemd glued to her spot with terrorise. Josths tried to move her but two late.
‘Say gudbye to your lyfe, queef’
‘Miranda! NO!’ screemed jotsh
‘YETS!’ I said
‘You can’t do this!’
‘DON TEL ME WAT TO DO’
‘NO, SERIOUSLY YOU CANT DO THIS. YOUL RUIN ALL OUR LIVES’
‘WATCH ME (wip naenae) MOTHERFUCKER’
And i puld the triger. 1secund later, i felt so mush pain in my left hands.
‘OUCH! WHO SHOTED ME?!’
No one replyd. I decided to finnish with it quikly.
‘MIRANDA NO CAN’T YOU SEE-‘
I barly heard his stuped shouts as I emptid my bulets in coleens body. Her head her chesticles her tookie and her eye crusties. Blodd exploded from e
vrywher. For a second i was truimphant.