I didn’t get to blog much during exam time because I really really really really had no time. Here’s our beautiful time table:

Friday: Chemistry -History-Philosophy-Arabic



Yep. 11 exams. With just the weekend to study.

I don’t know how much you usually study for tests or how they’re done in sophomore year in your school, but I doubt it can be much worse than this.

I only had weekdays after school to study! That’s like a few hours for five days. I need five days for maths alone! 

I can’t take tests lightly. First of all, I have standards (wow, that wasn’t pretentious at all). I’ve been top student literally my entire life. I didn’t ‘start from the bottom now we here’, I was ALREADY here. It’s in my nature now and I can’t bear to be a failure. And unlike before when it was all fun and games, I actually have to study a LOT to stay where I am today. I can’t just read the cours and do a couple exercices like I used to.

It’s really not just me: pretty much everyone at this point has had this realization that if they don’t do their best now, their chances for a good college are very small. And it’s really what I want above all. To receive a scholarship to a great college other than the free public college. It’s not bad, it actually is known for being a great college but I just wanna go somewhere… Special. There goes my unpretentiousness again.

Back to the point: my school does not want me to get my scholarship.

The good side of what they’re doing is that with all the stress and pressure they put us through, we’re well prepared for what’s to come in college.

The bad side, however, is that if they keep this up we will have no energy to go on, our grades will plummet down and no college will accept us anyway. Even if they do, we won’t get the coveted scholarships. The only way I’ll study outside of the public college is if I get at least a 50% scholarship. I don’t even know if that’s a thing, or I’m just giving myself false hope. But I stubbornly want to think that my grades will get me into a college with a discount. It’s not that it’d be impossible for us to afford a full paid college, but I don’t want to put my parents in debt just because I refused to go to a normal college like the rest if these peasants.

So I just did what I had to do, and studied. I barely slept, but I couldn’t not study. And study. And study.

Here’s a quick overview of how my tests went:

Chemistry: could have gotten full marks if not for my shitty eyes that  can’t see properly. The sentence was ‘the temperature drops by 16°’. My eyes translated it into ‘the temperature drops TO 16°’. The whole exercice is ruined. Now I’ll still get a good grade (I’m guessing), but it’s always annoying to know you could have easily done great.

What’s also interesting to note is that it’s my best friend who made that same mistake, and I only learned about the mistake when he pointed it out to me. Sometimes I think we’re lost twins.

History: ugh. All that studying. All that staying up late yo learn about fucking Hitler and his stupid ass ego. It did pay off, and I did great, but I just felt like I spent so much energy studying for a stupid 1-hour test.

Arabic: I so was not in the mood. But it turned out to be quite good. I think. I never know with Arabic. 

Philosopht: 7 pages. That’s the most I’ve written for a test. Ever. And that’s one single text! I felt proud of myself for some reason, even though I’m not sure I hit all the right marks. But I just blabbed, and that’s basically what philosophy is about.

Maths: fuck maths. Really. All that hard work. Wasted once again on a stupid calculus mistake. It’s not fair! I can study all month and still have a bad grade just because I made a small mistake somewhere. They really don’t know how to grade tests. Gosh I wish he’ll be indulgent. What happened to me?! I used to be great with maths! Fuck it. Again.

Geography: I literally had just read the course once the previous night. But it was apparently enough. I did well enough.

French: ah. My fav. I ‘think’ I did okay in the comprehension, but I was really getting tired and sleepy at that point.

My tiredness showed a bit too much in my essay, however. First of all, it wasn’t my best work. I’m usually GREAT with essays. I got right through with my points and hit homeruns left and right. ‘Made a splash’, as we like to call it (we really don’t, it’s just me but still). This one was meh at best. It was at the end when it got interesting.

The essay was about inequality in schools between students and between them and their superiors. It somehow seemed so wrong for this subject to be discussed by someone who was being put through this inequality at the very moment. It really felt like they were mocking us. So I concluded with ‘students are never given the right to decide the way in which they wish to be taught. It’s always the ‘adults’ who decide everything for them. That’s why we may never know under what logic were we put through a dozen tests in a few days with no revision delays. But I guess I’m just a student, unworthy of knowing why I have to do the things I do.’ I wrote this sentence with shaky hands, then and now. The injustice was overwhelming. I feel like when the teacher reads this, my anger will spring to life right through the paper. I hope it will. 

Physics: are you kidding me? You HAVE to be kidding me. That’s the easiest physics test I’ve done in years! There’s no way our own teacher made this. Being me, I HAD to mess up somewhere. But it was minor. I still can’t believe how easy it was. I’m sure there has been some sort of mistake, but all the better for us!

Biology: let’s put it this way: our Biology teacher is probably high. She has a ‘no writing just talking’ policy. That’s like the opposite of every. Single. Fucking. Teacher. Ever. She’s just so untraditional, and it’s unsettling to us. We have trouble knowing just what exactly to study! She barely gives us any course. But it turns out that she knows what she’s doing, and she gives us just what we need to know. I felt like the test was pretty clear, easy even. More and more by the day I’m starting to feel like biology is what I want to continue doing instead of maths and physics, and that scares me, but I’ll never know for sure until the moment of truth.

Civism: lol. Just lol. It’s dumb. I did okay I guess? But it’s just useless.

English: ahhhhh yes. They saved the best for last. Well actually it wasn’t a coincidence, they did save it for last on purpose but that’s only because it’s the last test and no one’s gonna be paying much attention. They really give no importance to English here. School never taught me a thing in English. I learned it all from the internet, and reading. Do they know that most colleges nowadays require SAT scores? Let them keep ignoring English, maybe it’s better for me; I’ll have an even bigger chance for a scholarship if I’m great with English. Fuck you bitches!

Anyway, the test was a breeze. It’s also desolating, because it’s kids play. We have been taking the same exact lessons for like 10 years. If you saw what our english test looks like, you’d laugh and probably think this was stolen from a third grader’s class. ‘Put a, an, or the in the correct places’. IS THIS A JOKE?! Meh. Not my loss.

SO. That was it 🙂 now that I’ve put these into words I realize that it’s maths were I haven’t done well. That’s too bad, because it’s the most important subject. But I’m like really done with math’s shit right now.

So yeah… I promised myself a good night’s sleep since I’ve been staying up late studying for the past week, but time just flies when you write! 

Ugh. I have a TON of stuff to tell you guys. I also have so many posts I wanna do and collabs and tags and all that stuff. I JUST NEED WIFI!! WHYYYYYY but like I guess I’ll have more time to give to my blog now that exams are over. I’ll find a way to post. Somehow. 

Well that was unnecessarly dramatic.



      1. No, we do tests, just not the SATs. I currently live in Germany and go to an IB school- we can take them, but they’re not mandatory.


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