I’M OFFICIALLY DEAD.
LOOK HOW PERFECT IT IS (〒︿〒)
Ever since I heard the news that Miranda would be releasing a book about half a year ago, I have been dreaming of the moment when I finally lay hands upon this splendid piece of art.
It was released in July, around my birthday. I was secretly hoping I would get it as a gift, but it wasn’t even available in my country at that time.
I kept checking with the (only) local bookshop and they still didn’t have it in stock… Until one glorious day! But the price was fucking 25$. I could not bring myself to pay that sum, because 1) I really don’t have that much money to spare and 2) I knew that this wasn’t the final price because it’s just been released and also I doubt anyone from here watches Miranda, let alone be ready to pay for her book.
I was actually right: I checked a few weeks ago and it had went down to 20$. For some reason I thought it was much more affordable and reasonable than 25$.
I decided that I was going to wait until the Bookyard (a monthly event where book nerds exchange/buy/sell books that I’ve talked about in my last post), make some money and buy it. Unfortunately, the Bookyard got postponed for 3 weeks later.
At first I was like meh okay. But, as I was once sitting and doing nothing, an unexplicable impulse seized me and I just felt the need to own that book in the very moment. I didn’t try to stop myself – usually in these situations I like to see how far I’m willing to go.
I dialled the bookstore and said ‘Hi. I want Selp-Helf by Miranda Sings.’
‘Um no… Selp Helf… They’re like the letters they are scrambled in the end like… It’s a um kinda humor book… Do you have it?’
At that point, the effects of my crazy-impulsive-moment had completely worn off and were replaced by utter embarassment.
‘Yep, we found it in our catalogue.’
‘Really?!’ I was submerged by relief. I’m not crazy, yay!
I ordered the book and they told me they’d call me on the following Monday if it came.
Once it was Monday, I immediately went to the store after school without them calling me. I was right to do so, because it had come!
I was so emotional. The moment I saw the book I felt such a wave of joy, and also a huge need to burst out laughing. I was grinning without even meaning to, and as I paid for my book I could tell from the workers’ amused smirks at the shop that they were thinking what the fuck is wrong with this kid. I was in no position to care, though.
I got out of the store holding the book like a new born, and got in the car. My mom told me to show her what I got, and I showed her, and she was like ‘*gasp* don’t tell me it’s that stupid girl you watch!’ And I was like ‘yeah’ and she was like ‘shit’ (just kidding, but she must have thought it).
As soon as I got home, I… Wait, I’ll let you guess:
a) Started reading the book like there’s no tomorrow
b) Displayed the book on a high shelf and let it rest there till I have time to read
c) Started taking selfies with the book like any normal person would do
I’m normal, so I chose (c)
Out of all the pictures I had fun taking, this one is the least embarrassing, and still I’m sure I’ll regret posting it a few seconds later:
Then I started reading.
JUST KIDDING! I wasn’t gonna do that yet because I’m not a basic bitch, so I took the book (rhymes lolz) on a house tour. I’ll post some of our most memorable and captivating moments sometime later because my internet decided to be shitty and not upload my photos.
For real now, after that I had to start reading.
I had one fear: that I’d finish the whole thing in one sitting!
The book is 240 pages long, but the writing in it covers about 40. I’m not complaining, because the pictures make it even better and miranda-like, but I didn’t want it to just end like that! So I gave myself the rule of not reading more than 20-30 pages per day.
That was a hard task, because the book just FORCES you to turn the pages. IT’S SO ENTERTAINING!
ESPECIALLY that, as you may or may not know, I had no phone for the two weeks following my purchase of the book, so I literally had nothing else to entertain myself with.
The book really is hilarious. I respected my limit (sometimes going just a tiny bit over), and I still enjoyed it a lot. I feel like I finished it at the perfect moment, because it was just after the Bookyard, so I had other books to be excited about (ugh I can’t wait to show you).
I think I will be posting some of the funniest pages sometime in the future, when I (inevitably) reread it.
I recommend this book to every Miranda fan out there, obviously, and also to people who appreciate dark silly humor and are patient and kind enough for Miranda and her life-changing advice. If you don’t take no bullshit from no one and have no time for this type of things, don’t bother because it’s not for you.
Finally, I give this book 5 out of 5 lisstiks 💋💋💋💋💋