and maybe he won’t leave. maybe he’ll stay. maybe he’ll drop by every few days, or months, or years.
but he’ll know that he’s just a visitor. he’ll see what we are, and he’ll linger for a few seconds, and he’ll depart again because he knows his soul is too dark to be somewhere this pure.
and though i wanted affection
i was tired of rejection
i kicked the habit.
i put love on the shelf
and agreed with myself:
i’d never have it.
but it’s like you knew
and you came out
out of nowhere
and into my life
it took you a while
-hello, allie x
you made my late night thoughts your home.
i fought to kick you out, yet a part of me was still paying your rent. every. single. day.
and now i’ve suddenly found you’ve moved out on your own, only as i realized somebody else was moving in.
we accept the love we think we deserve.
i don’t know if i thought i deserved better, or if i thought i didn’t deserve you..
i just knew you weren’t mine.
why do i crave your attention? i know this will never go anywhere. i know that if it did, i would probably stop it.
but the thought of me in your thoughts is exhilerating.
you’re not on my mind. not tonight. it feels less lonely with you gone, even if for a second.
is this heartache? headache? bellyache? i can’t even feel the places you’ve crawled into. my mouth is dry. maybe that’s where i miss you the most.
i hate that i can’t get through the night without having to write about you.
and i reconciled myself the way i knew best: i allowed myself to hope. a few seconds of hope, and the waves devoured themselves into a creek, softly rushing away, trickling with excitement until the next time. until the next sigh of relief. until the next tragedy.